Regardless of how long you’re seeing someone, when they end things with you out of the blue, it can be seriously tough. It’s even worse when the old cracker of a chestnut ‘I’m just not ready to commit to something’ is pulled out of the bag.
You end up inevitably asking yourself all these questions: What changed? Did I do something? What happened? How do I move forward?
So what the hell is going through his head? Why won’t he commit?
Is there something better out there? Why does he have Peter Pan syndrome?
In a era of constant updates, endless streams of new people and new things going on, people are worse at committing to anything – worse at committing to a life path, with a shorter attention span and a certain level of entitlement. We feel entitled to a relationship which is easy and as soon as it becomes a little tricky, then we start to look elsewhere.
It comes down to the fact that there are two experiences of life:
1) You go out and do your own thing, you’re not tied down to anyone and you have fun being you, with the variety of people.
2) Where you enjoy spending your time with one person and sharing your day with them, telling them about your day. You can really relate to them, and they can be excited about things you’ve been working for. There is a real sense of value and meaning at this point.
Most guys will get to that point where they want more meaning in their life.
HOWEVER men have a blueprint for their life. They have in their heads that by a certain age they want to do particular things, and get to those points. Whether it be sleep around until a certain age, or get a to a specific career level – or just do all the things they need to tick off their lists before they meet the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Unfortunately many men don’t achieve all of these things on their check-list by the time they meet ‘the right girl’.
All of a sudden they meet an amazing woman who they think ‘I could spend my life with her – IF ONLY I travelled to all those places, or made it to that career level, or become a millionaire like I said I would before settling down’. They have all of these things that they feel like they haven’t achieved yet when they meet that ‘perfect’ person, and then they suddenly find themselves sabotaging the relationship – not because the relationship is wrong, but because they haven’t reached that point in their lives yet.
When it comes to us – don’t get upset, angry, emotional – or give up months and months trying to win him over and convince him to be in a relationship.
Unfortunately the best thing to do is to look for guys in the right stage of their lives rather than convert or force men who do not want to commit into committing, as they will just resent you for it.
Just like in my Admit It… He’s Just Not That Into You post, if he’s ready to commit, he will commit. Know your value: if they don’t value or respect you enough to risk investing emotion and time in you, then you deserve more. Don’t let yourself be walked over, he just clearly isn’t the one for you right now.