Let’s face the facts — the guy or gal you’re with has probably had sex with someone else. Perhaps more than you’d like. Perhaps in crazy ways which you presumed happened only in the most exclusive S&M clubs of cities. Nonetheless, if you want to be with your partner, it’s your moral imperative to get over it.
No one’s going to say that it’s easy to deal with your partner’s sexual past, especially if it’s more colourful than your own. If you’re finding it difficult to get past the jealousy, you’re not alone.
Here are a few things to keep in mind.
The fact they are telling you says something…
Whilst ignorance may be bliss, and STIs aside, your partner’s sexual past is really their business. If they’re telling you about it, it’s probably because they care enough about you to be upfront. Remember that, before you fly off the handle. They’re being honest, which gives you license to be honest about your feelings about it. Just try to be aware of when you’re sharing your feelings and when you’re irrationally blaming your partner for hurting you with their past behaviour.
As in 10 Things All Women Need To Know About Men: Don’t ask him the question if you really don’t want to know the answer. He’s got a history, but remember: so do you! If you love him for who he is now, don’t worry so much about the path he took to get there.
Experience = Better sex
Dating someone who’s had lots of sex could mean they’re better at sex. Consider yourself lucky that someone else got the brunt of their awkward phase.
There is nothing they can do about it now
What would you actually have your partner do about their sexual past? Go back in time and erase it? First of all, changing the past could do irreparable damage to the space/time continuum. Second, it’s impossible. If you need time to deal with it, take it. But make sure you’re not punishing someone for that happened before you met and can’t be undone.
They didn’t know you when it happened
Whoever else they had sex with, however many of them there were, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.
How do they treat you now, if well, then why does it matter?
Right. If everything else about them works for you, that’s what matters. Of course, if they’re not treating you how you think you deserve to be treated, that might be what you’re really upset about.
Their past has made them who they are
That sincere confidence? That may have come in part by having their attractiveness confirmed in the past. It may have also come from getting screwed over and healing. Remember that, if you like this person, it’s every experience they’ve ever had that made them into the person you like.
Don’t play the blame game
While your partner should be as sensitive as they can to your insecurities (we’re all human), they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. Your jealousy is your own responsibility. Maybe you need to take a break and go have sex with a bunch of people. Maybe you just need to talk to a friend. But do something. Don’t just stew.
Be the best they ever had
The best sex is not necessarily the kinkiest sex. It’s not necessarily with a “perfect ten.” The best sex is with the person who understands you the best. It’s with the person who is the most turned on by you. Pay attention, stay open and be amazing. You’ll be amazed at how little the past matters when you’re both having the best sex of your lives.
At the end of the day, he’s chosen to be with YOU now, so quit worrying and enjoy it!