Focussing on hitting every single tick box in our partner ‘checklist’, is possibly the biggest mistake a singleton can make when dating.
Everyone has one. Whether it is subconscious, or written down: most people have a checklist of character or personal traits which they look for in another person when dating. If the person they come across does not tick a significant number of these boxes, we disregard them as not being suitable for us.
Whether it be that they have to be 6ft or taller, or have brown eyes, or enjoy football or support a certain political party, all these criteria actually actively hinder our dating lives. We have in our heads a hypothetical, imagined ideal picture of who we want – even before we go out and meet new people.
We need to stop searching for ‘the perfect person’.
We need to stop restricting ourselves to this made-up imagination version of the person we want to be with.
Because chances are, they don’t exist.
By limiting ourselves to only dating the most conventionally ideal people, we close off all the opportunities, chances and experiences that a rich array of people could bring us. You may think that your perfect partner has to be tall, dark and handsome: when actually you’re missing out on all the funny, caring blonde guys who could actually be great for you.
We need to open our minds. Half the time, we have these check-lists because we don’t really know who we want. We make up unreasonable amounts of superficial specifications for the person we next wish to date. However, the problem is that you could be searching a long time, when all these amazing people are passing you by.
‘But if they aren’t my type, and tick most of my criteria, then surely I’m not getting what I deserve?’ I hear you cry!
Now this is where it can get confusing. I’m not asking you to settle for anything less than what you deserve or want.
When you meet someone who feels right, who makes you laugh and smile, who you feel a connection with: it ceases to matter if they tick off every single thing on our list. You are attracted to that person, not only for the things they have, but also for the things that are missing. That thing you would look for normally? It doesn’t matter – because they are pretty amazing without it.
The right person makes you not care what they don’t have. They make you happy – and that’s all that matters.
‘Romantic’ isn’t when you meet someone who has everything you could ever ask for. Romantic is when you meet someone who is so great, that you simply don’t care about all the extraneous components which they don’t have.
This is why we need to stop having a check-list, and go with how someone makes us feel, not whether they match everything we look for in a person.
People don’t come into our lives ready-made for us. It is when we build a relationship with them: we learn their flaws, their insecurities, their life passions and worst fears: that’s the beautiful part of romance.
So open your eyes and move past the superficial deal-breakers. Allow new people to enter your life and give people a chance, you never know, you might just find what you’re looking for. Stay away from the checklist.