You and your other half are hanging out, you’ve had a lovely day together and then your partner pops in the shower. They leave their phone on the side as they go. You hear the bathroom door shut and the water start running. You look back over to the phone.
All their social media, texts, whatsapp messages, emails can be accessed via the rectangular box sitting yards away from you. With the touch of a fingertip.
You have the overwhelming urge to have a sneak peek – just one quick look, what harm could come of it?
Would you look?
So many of us would deny doing it, but a recent study conducted by YouGov found that 47% of 18-29 year olds (boys and girls) have snooped on their partners phone and 1 in 5 people are likely to login to their partner’s Facebook account a month.
Question is – is it ever okay to snoop?
A lot of us will rationalise the act with excuses like ‘I just want to reassure myself’ or ‘if there’s nothing to hide, it’s fine’, or you may just be curious as to what’s going on in your partner’s life.
Unfortunately this line of thinking is really unhealthy. I’m not blaming anyone – I have been there myself. The urge to reassure yourself that they aren’t cheating, or to just put your mind to rest has overcome me far too many times.
Despite knowing it’s wrong – we still do it. But once it starts, it becomes very difficult to cut the habit.
Transparency and honesty are key building blocks to any relationship.
If you’re feeling the urge to have a nosey on your other half’s phone, then there may be more fundamental issues within the relationship than perhaps first thought.
Regardless of how long you’ve been with someone, or your past, we all experience moments of distrust. However, people who are secure in themselves and in the relationship have no need to check up on their partner. Instead of secretly trying to find out something, they have a clear means of communication.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Some people believe you start off with 100% trust and it only decreases if something happens to chip away at the trust. The other way of thinking, is to start off with little or no trust and allow it to increase naturally as your partner earns it.
Wherever the starting point, trust can be earned and it can be lost through the actions of the other person.
Reasons not to snoop
What does it say about your trust in them if you’re caught? It shows insecurity in the relationship and puts doubt in your other halve’s mind. Your actions become potentially as damaging and can itself give cause to end the relationship.
Sometimes our past experiences can mean that we have increased low self esteem, or severe lack of trust in relationships. The lesson to be learnt is that you cannot tar everyone with the same brush.
When you find yourself addicted to the act of checking, it becomes associated with the feeling of relief of not finding anything. So every time you seek reassurance, instead of talking to your partner – you turn to snooping.
If you genuinely feel like something is going on, or distrust their commitment, affection or truthfulness and you start checking up on them, then chances are that you will find things that justify your feelings of insecurity simply because you’re looking for it.
You may find seemingly unrelated, innocent events and piece them together as evidence, purely because it is human nature to want to solve the puzzle. Paranoia may seem like a strong word, but this type of behaviour is certainly a misuse of imagination and is likely to make you feel even more insecure.
It’s a lose-lose situation.
Instead of investigating, try communicating.
When you feel the urge, ask yourself how you would feel if your partner was checking up on you?
Instead of investigating, try communicating. This approach is the best way to respect yourself, your partner and the relationship.
Treat someone the way your would like to be treated, be secure in yourself and if you have genuine reasons to not trust someone then maybe the relationship isn’t the right one for you.