They may be your ex, they may be your partner’s, either way, dealing with an ex who just won’t go away can be a real headache.
The scenario usually goes: you make the decision not to see or talk to someone again, and they go away after a while.
However it doesn’t work out that way when you have a crazy ex.
Don’t get me wrong, all breakups suck, and we’ve all been there: a drunk text or voice message….or seventeen.
But how do you get rid of someone who just won’t stop persisting? Someone who has exceeded the normal amount of time to leave you alone?
How do you deal with a crazy ex?
Make it clear that the relationship is over
Lay out the truth. If you’re ambiguous and subtle, then it may be misconstrued as hesitation. You do not want to be in this relationship anymore – that’s that. No break-up sex, no sad hugs, just leave it be.
Block them and all their spies on social media
You know that girl who has just followed you on Instagram? The one who suspiciously has lots of photos with the ex? Yeah they may or may not be stalking your activity…
Block them from looking at your social media: it’s the best thing for you both in the long run.
Cut off all contact
Contacting an ex will just get their hopes up, and make them believe you are still thinking about them. Every time you contact them, or like their photos, or answer a text, you are prolonging their pain and making it harder for them to get over you.
Understand the difference between love and obsession
Just as I write in The Difference between Love and Obsession, love is pretty effortless. You don’t need them to be any certain way. You don’t need to possess them. You don’t need a title from them. You just love having them in your life and they love being in yours.
You understand each other. You laugh together. You don’t need them, but rather, you just enjoy them.
Obsession, on the other hand, does not feel pleasant. It feels very urgent, very important, and very stressful.
When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them, like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not and will not be okay.
Usually a crazy ex is obsessed with the relationship, rather than being genuinely in love with you. If they truly love you, they’d want the best for you regardless of the pain they feel.
Sensitivity may be required if they suffer from genuine mental health problems
‘Crazy’ is being used colloquially in this instance. However things get much more serious if the ex has genuine mental health issues and threatens to hurt themselves.
On the one hand you will feel guilty for cutting them out, but this is emotional blackmail. Threatening suicide is a form of gaining control in a situation, which may be used a tool to keep your partner from leaving you. Be clear and to the point.
If this person really is serious, you are not equipped to deal with it – they need professional help, and you need to get out of the way and allow someone who has the education and training to help the situation.
You may lose your current relationship
Realise that carrying on this unhealthy relationship with an ex can be detrimental to current, or future relationships. There’s only so much a new partner will be able to cope with if your ex is pestering you. Don’t ruin potentially amazing relationships because you refuse to leave the past in the past…
If things turn serious
If your ex takes things too far, and you would describe the situation as stalking or harassment, you may be in danger. Stalking is also a form of control, as boundaries no longer exist.
If your ex partner is threatening you with violence then there is a more serious offence of harassment with fear of violence.
Protection Against Stalking is a new website which is part funded by the Home Office. It advises you if you are unsure what can be done about your exes behaviour, feel in danger or paranoid, or worry that you can’t turn to the police.
However, hopefully things won’t escalate to this level!
So whatever way you choose to cope with the situation, just remain calm and firm in your decision. Making contact will be detrimental, and if things get out of hand, seek help.