So you’re seeing someone. Someone realllly nice. And really attractive. And, well, you’re head over heels.
You’ve been dating for a while, and you think it’s going well, right? But you can’t help the lingering questions in the back of your mind: Does he like me too? Is he serious about me? Will he ever commit to me?
Your friends are getting bored of your constant questioning: ‘is it going anywhere?’, and you’re starting to wonder if he’s just stringing you along.
Trust me, I get it.
I mean, there is a lot at stake when you put your heart on the line, and you’re running the risk of wasting months, or years, of your life on a man who never intended to keep you around. All the while your feelings and hopes grow.
So, what tell-tale signs suggest he just doesn’t want a relationship? What can we do to spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels?
1. He TELLS you he doesn’t want a relationship
Alarm bells should have gone off BIG time on this one. If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, he DOESN’T want a relationship.
He’s not just saying it to play a game to make you want him more. He’s not saying it to get a reaction. He’s not saying it because he has nothing better to say.
If he wants a relationship, he will actively make it happen.
In fact, I reckon the most common relationship recently is the modern day non-relationship, that is, when you’re dating a guy and you’re basically boyfriend/girlfriend aside from the fact that you’re not.
The ugly truth is this: when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
I know you think you’re the exception and your situation is different. I’ve been there and I’m telling you, it isn’t. You’re like every other girl in a non-relationship. You’re a great girl who maybe sold herself a little short and is in a situation where the guy calls all the shots, and is just taking you along for the ride. All the while you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for him to decide you’re “good enough.”
If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, or he has “commitment issues” or hates labels, just take it at face value and do yourself a favour and move on.
2. He doesn’t make an effort… ever
If he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to dates it means he doesn’t feel like you’re worth the effort. Are there exceptions? Sometimes. But even if a guy is jobless and broke and doesn’t have the money to take you out, he’ll find some sort of cheap and creative way to show you he cares.
If your dates consist of you going over to his place and watching a movie or you cooking for him, then he isn’t taking you or the relationship very seriously.
When a guy is invested in you and cares about you, he wants to go out of his way to impress you and show you he cares.
When a guy cares about a girl and sees a future with her, he wants to bring her into his world as much as possible. He wants to introduce her to the things he likes: movies, music, books, hobbies. These aren’t things that require much of a financial investment but they speak volumes about his level of emotional investment.
If you’re the only one making the effort to keep the spark alive and do special things, it’s a sign that he isn’t very invested in you.
3. He does a disappearing act on you, then makes out like it was no big deal
If a guy truly cares about you, he will want to make room for you in his life. Even if he has a lot going on and won’t be available for a few days, he’ll send a text or message to let you know he’s thinking about you.
If he takes a break from the relationship with no warning it means he isn’t worried about losing you, and this is never a good sign. If a guy knows for certain that you’ll always be there waiting in the wings, no matter how badly he behaves, he won’t respect you and he definitely won’t want to commit to you–why should he when he knows he doesn’t have to?
His disappearing acts serve more as a way to let you know this relationship isn’t serious and he is still free to do what he wants. It’s his way of letting you know that you aren’t a deciding factor in where he goes and what he does.
4. He won’t introduce you to his family
A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal.
Maybe some guys view this as a big deal, but most don’t.
Maybe he just wants to show you off because you’re hot, or maybe he just doesn’t think much of introducing girls to his friends. I have plenty of friends who looked at meeting his friends as the be all and end all… the tell tale sign that he’s all in, he’s committed.
It’s not. Meeting is family is how you know. (Side note: If he won’t introduce you to his friends to begin with, it’s a definite red flag)
When you’re in a relationship, talk of meeting the family should come up. Maybe you don’t meet them right away, but he should give you come sort of indication that it’s on the horizon. At the very least, he should let you know that his family is aware of your existence.
If he doesn’t talk about his family, or changes the subject anytime you bring it up, it’s a sign that he has no intention of making the introduction.
By keeping you away from his family, he’s essentially saying he doesn’t see you being in his life for the long haul.
5. You don’t know anything real about him
You can talk to someone for hours and hours every day and not know anything real about them. You might know details about their favourite football team, or sandwich flavour, but you don’t know who they are, their real self beneath all the superficial fluff.
When a guy is serious about a woman, he shares himself with her. He lets her into his world and shows some level of vulnerability. This is a big thing. Men are much more selective when it comes to letting people in.
When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you.
If a guy doesn’t share his true self with you, the chances are high that he’s not in it to win it and doesn’t see a future.
If you’re really unsure as to whether a guy is serious about you or not, take a look at the things you know about him and consider if you know who he really is.
At the end of the day, don’t waste your time trying to persuade him to commit, or change his mind. You may think you can, but you can’t.
Don’t wait to have your heart broken and hopes dashed – run like the wind and find someone who would LOVE to call you his.