Under The Influence of Love: The #1 Sign You’re Just a Back-Up Plan

the holiday back up plan


One of the hardest things for us humans to process, is when someone who we love so deeply, and care for so strongly, doesn’t feel the same way back.

Unrequited love is a killer.

It seeps through your body like an unwanted poison: a cold liquid spreading through your entire being. Realisation hits, and even though you choose not to completely believe it, it breaks your heart.

What, however, is worse than unrequited love, is when the one we love chooses to string us along – because they want their cake and to eat it too.

Because they know you’re not strong enough to let go on your own.

Think Kate Winslet in The Holiday: she painfully loves Rufus Sewell, who is otherwise engaged to another woman. But he doesn’t leave Kate alone. She has no ability to move on, because he constantly plagues her life still.

Viewers and avid rom-com fans have noted that her character is a bit of a wet blanket, but I don’t think that’s fair.

Love is arguably the most powerful feeling. It’s literally out of our control and makes us do the most unusual and out-of-character things.

Under the influence of love, we actively selflessly hurt ourselves more, in the hope of regaining lost love.

So when Rufus is stringing Kate along, calling her, messaging, saying he misses her: it’s easy to see how she clings on to that hope. He’s manipulating her cause he knows full well she will take him back in a heartbeat.



BUT then later in the film, Kate realises. It’s like a lightning bolt. He doesn’t want her – he only says he wants her because she’s no longer interested in him, and he needs to prove that he still can have her when he wants to.

Being respected as a person is one thing, but being someone’s back-up plan is another. As I say in Stop chasing the wrong one, cause the right one wont run, nobody deserves to be a back-up plan, a second option or a last resort. As Kate says, you should be the leading lady in your life!

Sometimes Love is just not enough.

Stop fighting, stop wanting, stop wasting your time, stop giving your energy to someone who ultimately doesn’t care.

Because you are worth everything, and if someone is willing to walk away – then you deserve more.

So, answer this question: Do you feel like you’re constantly pining after someone who is just out of your reach?


Know someone who'd like this post?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *