Along your dating travels, you may have come across a few not-so-great characters: they may have messed you around, cheated or not made it clear where you stand with them. However, possibly the worst person you can get involved with, is a habitual, pathological liar. Someone who twists the truth and leaves YOU feeling like the one with the problem.
Most of us lie. Normally little white lies, either to get out of something, or to not hurt someone’s feelings. But, for the habitual liar, they simply compulsively lie – for no reason particularly at all. It’s a calculated skill they have nurtured for years, a cunning craft which they continue without the blink of an eye…
Dating a habitual liar leaves you questioning not just yourself but your sanity. They typically tell you that you are wrong, mistaken, perhaps even paranoid, which all culminates in a ridiculously huge mind fuck. They turn every issue, every problem or worry – back round on you, and you don’t realise until long afterwards.
Spotting a habitual liar is actually really hard. From the outset, you feel like this person really has your best interests at heart; however you soon realise that manipulation is actually this person’s finest skill. They are fantastic at pretending to be kind, lovely – funny even. They are everything you want them to be, apart from when you question them.
5 Red flags you’re dating a habitual liar:
#1 Little lies turn into bigger lies
Habitual liars begin telling smaller lies that seem to be no big deal at all. As time progresses, you start to see that, actually, many things they say simply aren’t true. First it’s they “can’t see you because they’re out with their friends”, when they just don’t want to see you, then they say they like you – but then ignore you for days on end. Then it’s lying about where they are, who they’ve been with and what they’ve been doing.
Before you know it they’re seeing other people – and making you feel like the crazy one for thinking it was exclusive. You start thinking that you’re the problem and that you need to change. Slowly, this will severely damage your self-confidence.
They can also change their story multiple times, without seeming phased at all. The only problem is – you continually give them the benefit of the doubt, so you just end up really confused.
#2 They’re quick to become defensive
A habitual liar can live with themselves by convincing themselves that they are not only right, but if they even admit to lying, they are justified in doing so.
If questioned, they become defensive and go off on one. Throwing random other points into the argument to confuse you even more, they make sure to leave you feeling guilty about calling them out, even if they lied. In the end, you end up feeling bad that you called them a liar, so you learn to just deal with it.
#3 They don’t have a moral compass
There is normally some underlying problem behind the habitual liar. It isn’t just the lying that ruins the people around them. It is the way that they lie. Habitual liars use their lies to manipulate you, make you feel crazy, or to make you feel guilty for not trusting them.
For the compulsive liar, there is no moral compass guiding them. So, they just do what they do and never look back or consider who they hurt.
#4 They are self-obsessed
They may pretend to care about you or your feelings, but actually they are selfish in pretty much every aspect of your life. Many liars are people who lack empathy and the ability to see how their lying ways affect the people around them. Since they lie purely for their own benefit whoever gets hurt is just collateral damage.
Often compulsive liars have an underlying narcissistic tendencies, which allow them to tell lies without feeling badly. When a normal person tells a fib, there is generally a feeling that something is wrong.
#5 You’re set up for disappointment
Trust is one of the key components of a relationship. If you can’t trust the person you are with, there is no way you’re going to have a successful relationship.
The habitual liar disappoints you constantly, which you dismiss when it happens. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to investigate what’s going on. In the end, you’ll just wish you never got involved with them at all.
You are never going to change a habitual liar, and the only way to deal with them is to say goodbye. They will continue to confuse and manipulate you, leaving only a hollow shell of your sanity left.