Women and men have been doing it for centuries: literally doing whatever it takes to hold onto a relationship until we reach the point of hating, hurting and hardly speaking, all because love is supposed to conquer all.
We believe that if we feel any love at all for our partner, we must stay, fight and make the relationship work.
This crazy line of thinking has kept us stuck in relationships and suffering through bad breakups for way too long. One thing we all need to understand is that life somehow never works out the way we plan it.
Listen to your heart when something doesn’t feel quite right, when you start doubting. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advocating giving up at the first sign of trouble, but if you are miserable and just desperately want to hold on to what is comfortable, who you love:
Don’t.
When love just is not enough:
When love brings out your worst. Love should not compromise achieving our dreams or being happy. It should make you a better person than you would be single, it should add and improve you on a plethora of levels. If you find yourself acting out-of-character, or becoming snappier or irrational around your partner more often than not, then it’s clear they bring out the worst in you.
Love without communication. Unless you are a psychologist or a mind-reader, it’s difficult to know what our partners are thinking if we don’t communicate properly. We don’t intuitively realise what our other half wants because we love them: it takes talking, actually listening and constantly learning about each other.
Love without compatibility. If you have different levels of maturity, it’s hard to reach mutual acceptance, both now and in the future. Maturity affects your set of views and beliefs which can be categorised into personal values, philosophies of life, and world view on a personal and social level. If your values and ideologies are polar-opposite: think of the choices you will have to make with regards to finances, children or plans to settle down: are they the same, or are you at different stages in your life?
Love without trust. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, without it the relationship is doomed for failure and will inevitably crumble.
Finally, Love doesn’t solve all relationship problems. We all have problems which we deal, or don’t deal with. But if the problems require us having to change who we are, or are unsolvable, it is clear there is something fundamentally wrong. Sometimes those problems that underpin our entire relationship can prove too difficult to ever overcome.
What to remember if you are scared the love you have just isn’t enough:
You are worth everything and you are worth fighting for. Fight for yourself, fight for your happiness and fight for a love that you deserve: one that doesn’t pull your heart to pieces or boggle your mind with worry.
The love you have, or once had, may have been wonderful, fulfilling and perfect. But as many people find, in the process of growing up, it is easy to also grow apart. Every couple has rough patches, bad phases or awful days. However, as painful as it is to admit, if on the most basic, instinctive level you want different things, perhaps, then, love is not enough and it’s time to break-away.
And it hurts, goodness does it hurt. You’ll question your decision constantly, fight the feeling irrationally and despise the pain with a passion – wondering whether you will ever find love like you had again.
But, you beautiful, beautiful people, you will. Trust your instincts and never feel guilty for wanting to be happy. Life is too short to settle for misery.
One of life’s greatest mistakes is living in fear of making mistakes. That fear will stop you from breaking away from a toxic relationship.
Love should never require sacrificing yourself or forfeiting joy or life dreams. And frankly, the truth is: you can love a person and choose not to be with them. Pain fades and life goes on, you will love again and be a wiser person for it.
