There was something about his aftershave. The scent of it was too strong, and it made me not just uncomfortable, but really really irritated.
He’d keep repeating the same stories and he had a habit of trying to smoulder when he spoke. He spoke to waiters in restaurants like he was better than them. I dreaded the idea of introducing him to my friends, and was irrationally annoyed every time he’d put his arm around me like he owned me.
His touch made me squirm.
I’d caught The Ick, and there was no way of recovering from it.
The thing about The Ick is that it’s a gut feeling, and you rarely encounter it on a first or second date. It’s a cringe-inducing feeling which genuinely makes you feel utterly repulsed by the person you’re dating.
Maybe it’s something they said, maybe the way they acted in a certain scenario, but suddenly and often involuntarily, your perspective of them is entirely different. In the beginning you were hopeful, excited even, but now compliments that once made you smile, now make you feel sick, and the idea of kissing them makes you want to run, fast, and no matter how much you try, it’s impossible to overlook it.
But why oh why do we get The Ick? Is it a real gut instinct we should follow or a sudden panic to try and get over?
Even in fully-fledged relationships, there can be moments of being repulsed or disgusted by things your partner does. However if The Ick occurs after a few dates with a previous stranger, it’s usually a red flag that they are perhaps not the person you thought they were and your gut is telling you to move on.
Is it our fault?
The way your date starts behaving can be a clue to their normal behaviour, something that you may not like or choose to live with. Whether they are patronising or say nasty things about their ex – or do things you just find really irritating, it may be a sign of things to come.
If the behaviour feels more significant such as a display of strange character traits and behaviours, then follow your instinct and don’t stick around to find out whether you were wrong, or not.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and he mentioned hearing of ‘The Ick’. He told a story of a girl he spoke to, who’d been dating a perfectly normal guy. All had been going fine, well even, until the point where they were out for dinner. The girl noticed her date had food stuck to the corner of his mouth. And that was that – she’d caught The Ick.
Unfortunately in this case, it’s more of having to try and not to be too judgemental. We all accidentally do these things and sometimes we just need to work on tolerance of other people.
Moving on – Is it worth continuing something once you’ve caught The Ick?
If it’s something minor, it’s worth pushing through. However if you are beginning to find a person you are dating unappealing in whatever way, it’s best to end the relationship as it is hard to fake attraction to another or switch it on.
The ‘ick’ is a true gut feeling, and life coach Susanna M. Halonen explains that it’s always worth trusting your gut. ‘Your intuition is encoded in your brain like “a web of fact and feeling.” This is why intuition is so much more powerful than taking advice from someone else. Your intuition connects your body, mind, and spirit, and how those three elements have digested everything from your past.’ So even if an ‘ick’ seems illogical, chances are that it’s a smart response from your brain and body, which are working together to tell you that the relationship isn’t a runner.
So much about relationships is drawn from instinct. It’s normal to find some things about your partner irritating, like how they leave their wet towel on the bed, that new jumper they bought that at first you thought was a very funny joke, or how they pronounce the letter ‘H’ (it’s aitch, not haitch).
But when you enter The Ick territory, you know you’re on a downwards trajectory, and as hard as you try you can’t claw yourself back out.
