The great thing about growing up: we learn more about ourselves, become independent, learn to be comfortable with who we are. But one thing we generally get worse at with age, is our ability to make new friends.
The topic of how to meet new people as an adult has come up many times recently in conversations I’ve had. It seems to be something that is increasingly difficult in the mobile-centric world we live in, actually meeting real people, in real life.
When we were younger, we had structured environments: nursery, school, after-school clubs, university, first jobs: all places where we would be with likeminded, similar people who we can engage with. We became friends with who we sat next to in class. Literally, my closest school best friends surnames line up like this: B B, G (me), H, H, L, L, in that order…
But once you’re out of those structured environments, it’s hard to make new friends. You switch jobs, maybe move cities, and it becomes even harder.
A study by the Mental Health Foundation found 18 to 34-year-olds were more likely to feel lonely than the over-55s. Loneliness is seen as a thing for older people and there is still a big taboo surrounding young people and loneliness. Research shows there is an epidemic of loneliness, and I think that’s especially the case in cities like London.
We can’t afford to buy houses or have children and, if we’re not unemployed, have entered a job market that’s rigged against us and will pay us a hell of a lot less than our predecessors. The result? Some of us are forced to move back in with our parents, and are stuck perpetual state of adolescence. Often well into our thirties.
Society compels us to drive for self-sufficiency, but that very society we’ve evolved in holds us back. It pulls us apart from one another.
So how do we make friends as an adult? How can we expand our social circles and be the social bunnies we were born to be?
Use an App
In this modern-age where the world seems to be driven by apps – why not use an app to make some new friends!
City Socialiser
Helps members across various cities form new friendships. The local, social life app to go out and have fun with new groups of people around you.
CEO, Sanchita Saha said: “When my friends from university moved to London, they often struggled. Some felt very lonely or isolated in a big city. I thought there must be a way to help people find like-minded friends.”
Bumble BFF
Using Bumble to meet new people may sound strange, but there is the function on the app, where you can simply network and make new friends! Find people who have similar interests and meet up this way.
Founder, Whitney Wolfe spoke to Metro about the new Bumble BFF function: ‘It is often times harder to find a friend then it is a date for women. We have paid very close attention to how our user base was interacting with Bumble, and we realised the dire need to help women connect with other women, and for men to connect with men, platonically. So many of us travel for work, or relocate, often knowing very few people. So, we stop doing the things we love, as it’s hard to find people you like to do them with’.
Go to nearby events
Check out Eventbrite or Facebook for listings of local events where you can go and meet new people! Simply search your area, and a night you’re free and hey presto!
Talk!
It’s so hard to talk to strangers… but we really should! Think about how nice it feels to have a spontaneous, meaningful conversation with someone new?
People are happier when they talk to strangers, even when they predict they’ll hate it.
Encourage people to talk about themselves. Even if you don’t have an interesting opener, you can always ask people to talk about themselves, and they’ll be more than happy to oblige you.
Move in with new people
If you’ve just moved to a new city on your own, you may find the best course of action to move in with likeminded, new people. You will end up having your own in-built family to come home to, and can get to know their friends (and their friends, and so on).
Volunteer
Volunteering is a total win-win. If you do it regularly, you’ll meet people who care about the same things you care about. If you don’t meet people, you’ll still use your talents to do something good for the world.
Join a club or society
One of the quickest and easiest way to make new friends is to join a club. Yoga, sports, arts & crafts, film, you name it – google your local area and I bet you there are hundreds of clubs and events. I know it’s a bit scary at first going somewhere new (especially when you’re doing it alone), but why not start a new hobby, get involved in and old one or do something you’ve always wanted to do.
Once you’ve gone once, you can get a feel for it – and who knows? You may find the best new friends you’ve ever had!
Reconnect with old friendships
Don’t forget all the old friendships and people you’ve already met throughout your life. Creating an event on Facebook, or rekindling with an old friend and catching up can be just as good as meeting new people.
