“Orbiting”: The Latest Dating Trend Which Is Like “Ghosting”, But More Annoying

For the last few years, the term “Ghosting” has lurked on the dating scene. Although it was happening long before with not calling back and not showing up, Ghosting was only defined when added to the Urban Dictionary back in 2006.

However, we are in the midst of a dating phenomenon that could only occur in the age of social media. “Orbiting”, is like Ghosting, but one step further. The new dating term was coined by writer Anna Iovine from Man Repeller.

Anna wrote, “I started dating a man — let’s call him Tyler — a few months ago. We met on Tinder, naturally, and after our first date, we added each other on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram. After our second date, he stopped answering my texts. I soon gathered it was over, but in the ensuing days, I noticed he was watching every single one of my Instagram and Snapchat stories — and was often one of the first people to do so.

A couple of weeks later, after still no correspondence, I decided to unfollow/unfriend Tyler from all three social platforms. On Facebook and Snapchat, that meant we could no longer see each other’s content, but on Instagram, no such luck.

It’s now been over two months since we’ve spoken, and Tyler not only still follows me on Instagram, he looks at every single one of my stories.”

This is not ghosting. This is orbiting.

This phenomenon basically means that a former flame is “keeping you in their orbit” — close enough to see each other; far enough to never talk.

[Read: Ghosting: The Most Brutal Form Of Breakup?]

 

So why do people orbit? What’s the impetus for this pseudo form of ghosting?

Theory #1: It’s a Power Move

There’s a strategic move behind orbiting, describing it as “a not very subtle way of letting them know you’re still on friendly terms, and that you’ll still say hi when you inevitably see them at the bar.

Taylor Lorenz, social media reporter at The Daily Beast who has written about how Instagram affects modern relationships, also believes that orbiting may be a calculative action: “You want to keep someone on the table or don’t want to totally write someone off,” she says of why someone might orbit. “You’d [maybe] want to slide into their DMs but don’t actively want to engage.”

It’s guys’ way of keeping you in their ‘book of women.’

Theory #2: They Have No Idea What They’re Doing

Perhaps he doesn’t know I can see that he’s viewing my stories.

This isn’t a particularly scientific measure, but: The question “can someone see that I viewed their Instagram story if we are not friends”

Indeed, The Daily Beast’s Lorenz believes that some people could just be ignorant to that Instagram and Snapchat feature. “It’s amazing how many people don’t know you can see who’s viewed your Instagram story—maybe they just never checked their own?”

I, for one, can’t imagine adding a story and just letting it float away in the ether, never checking whether anyone saw it. But that’s just me. Still, this doesn’t explain why they’re looking in the first place.

Theory #3: Fear of Missing Out (on You, an Amazing Person)

Part of this orbiting behaviour is really related to the underlying FOMO. The person might not necessarily be ready to commit to a relationship; however, there’s a concern that if they were to completely eliminate contact with you, then they might miss the opportunity to reconnect with you later on.

Social media offers a unique, voyeuristic look into the lives of individuals with whom we have even the most casual of relationships. “Orbiting” also offers the opportunity for the orbiter to maintain a commitment-free connection with you. If circumstances change (for example, the orbiter decides they want to pursue a relationship), the orbiting behaviour also offers a relatively easy entry to return back into your life.

[Read: Is Benching The New Ghosting?]

I admit, the desire to check up on someone you used to know (whether it was platonic or romantic) is strong. 

Dating is more nuanced than it’s ever been. In a world where we can find a partner at our fingertips and follow their daily lives by just opening an app, it’s tempting to keep up with them, even if we’re not that interested.