One thing I love more than anything else, is writing about relationships, dating and sex. In fact, it’s not just writing, I love reading journals, books, magazines, watching psychology videos and talking about all of it.
There’s one problem with this. Google my name, and thanks to my good SEO and high rankings (and my unusual name), Never Settle pops up at numero uno.
Writing about relationships is really fun… until it isn’t. After all, what’s more intimidating than dating a dating blogger, right?
Does being a dating blogger make me… undateable?
Despite Never Settle being created on the foundation of my own relationships, I don’t write much anymore about my personal life. It’s mainly a culmination of sociological and psychological research, brand collaborations and written pleas to treat others and ourselves with respect.
However writing my blog is something that is very personal to me. It’s a place where I reveal a lot of things that everyone talks about but few people actually put on the Internet; I talk about sex toys and sex, I talk about my heartbreak and vulnerability; I speak about taboo topics which I feel so strongly about raising awareness for: mental health, contraception, eating disorders, sexual health and women’s rights, to name a few.
It isn’t always easy to write, especially being associated with my name, but by doing so, my hope is that I help some women (and men) through similar situations. It’s also a cathartic process and learning curve for me too.
I am so proud of Never Settle. The awards, the increased traffic, how it DOES help people. It’s my biggest achievement and the love of my life (as cheesy as that sounds). It has been sitting in the background through everything, and really does makes me happy. Oh dear, I’m in a relationship with my blog.
So why do I worry about telling people about a part of my life which is so prominent? Why do I refuse to mention it when meeting new people?
Simply, tell a potential date that you’re a dating blogger, (or worse, they find your blog themselves) and chances are they’ll run a mile.
To be fair, if you google dating blogs, you may come across bitter, man-hating posts spilling all sorts of private secrets.
The problem is, guys I’ve dated rarely actually read my content. So they don’t realise that I don’t share with the world all my deepest, most private secrets, and that Never Settle is more of a tool to help others.
One guy I went on a date with, (he was perfectly lovely), found Never Settle and he couldn’t stop laughing about “dildos” on my site (they were ‘luxury pleasure toys‘ for a collaboration). Somehow he’d turned from a intelligent man into an adolescent boy giggling at the mention of sex. Another guy was genuinely terrified I’d run home and fantastically write about him straight away on the site.
I can have a laugh and a joke about it all (and believe me I do) but it was an instant no from me, and at the time made me think, “will I ever find anyone who takes me seriously and isn’t intimidated?!”
Having been a dating blogger for a while, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many fellow bloggers. Some have found love and are content and coupled up, some are still looking, and some are just happy being single.
It is possible to find love as a Dating blogger (Naomi Narrative is my #1 example of this) who has just celebrated her most recent anniversary with her lovely boyfriend.
But relationship blogs are just that – we talk about the relationships we have with other people. The nuances, the context, the emotional ties and responses. Relationships inherently involve other people. We do have to be careful as bloggers not to cross a line. Unless you are entirely anonymous, revealing intimate details about another person is a massive no no. Simply, it’s not fair. Naming and shaming is not on.
The silver lining
Fortunately, not all men are intimidated, and there are a fabulous few out there that don’t mind, and even admire what I do. If nothing else it’s made me realise what I’m looking for. If Never Settle is the first hurdle or screening process for men in my life, well at least it gives me those who respect me for doing what I love.
So being a dating blogger… it doesn’t make you undateable, it just means you want to be with someone who accepts you for everything, and loves what makes you happy. Let’s face it: that’s what we’re all looking for, right?
