10 Things You Need To Know Before Moving In Together

Moving in together. The never-ending sleepover with your best friend. It’s a big step. It’s actually pretty scary, you’ve gone from living in your own places, having your own spaces, to now… everything is shared. But before you run for the door and change your mind… fear not! If you’re ready for it, then it can be the absolute best thing.

Relationships are amazing, right? The longer you’ve been together, inevitably the more milestones you’ll also go through: from the first dates, to the first anniversaries, the first “I love you” said, and the exclusivity, and eventually, the excitement of sharing your life by cohabiting. You may be so relieved that no longer will you need to catch that last train home, or move all your things from one persons house to the other, or make sure you remembered your toothbrush.

It’s a big commitment, so I’ve compiled a list of all the things you probably should know before taking the plunge and getting those keys.

1. You’re going to need to learn to have your own space

At first you’ll want to spend all your time together, then after a while it can get a little grating – not in a bad way – but we all do need our own space to do our own things, explore our individual hobbies and see our friends. Allowing the time to do those things is really important to not resenting each other. Having that time apart also means you start missing your partner, which means you appreciate them more when they are there!

2. Paying bills and cleaning are a chore, so you’ll need to make sure you’re both pulling your weight

There are so many bills… rent, council tax, gas/electric, water, TV license, home insurance and internet, food, not to mention Netflix or streaming accounts too. Make sure you’re both clear on the financial implications of living together, and the need to manage your money responsibly.

Cleaning and tidying is also a massive point. You may be content in the knowledge that you’re both tidy people, but sooner than you realise, things will pile up and won’t get done – then you may resent the fact that you always do the washing up, or always clean up the bathroom after a shower. One of my closest friends mentioned that her and her partner divide the responsibility into who enjoys what: she hates cooking, but likes cleaning and doing the laundry, so her partner (who loves cooking) will always cook and wash up, and she will clean the house and launder the clothes. Simply, make sure you divvy up the responsibility so that you both feel like you’re working as a team, and pulling your weight!

3. You will find out things you never knew about your partner… like their toilet habits

You thought they were nice and normal… but everyone has weird habits and routines, and you will get to know your partner’s well! Sure, it’s going to be pretty disgusting at first, but before long it’ll normal. It’s always good to keep some things private to keep the sexiness alive… so don’t start forgetting to shut the loo door…

 

4. You’re going to annoy each other more than you would living apart

Living apart you tend to enjoy and savour the time you have together more. When you live together, you have to be aware that your partner is always around. Whether you’re in a bad mood, or feeling lazy, or getting annoyed about something silly – things will annoy you that previously wouldn’t have done. And that’s OKAY. You’re going to take some time adjusting to a routine, and bickering will occur inevitably as you get accustomed to sharing your personal living space.

5. Make sure you know what you’ll do in the event you break up

No couple wants to talk about a future that might not include one another in it. That being said, having a plan for a possible break up is always a good idea. If you prefer not to look at this as a breakup plan, consider it a way to learn about what your partner values in terms of their belongings so that you can go into the move with a certain level of care and respect for those items. This is really important financially too – if you still have time left on your lease, then you’ll need to ensure money is divided fairly if you choose to remain in the house, or if one person moves out.

6. Your relationship will change, and you’ll need to add some spontaneity 

It’s easy to fall into comfortable routines, which in turn lead to a loss of spark and excitement. Even though you live together, it doesn’t mean the time you have together is quality time. Chances are you both work long hours, so during the week you only have 4 or 5 hours before you sleep and leave for work the next day. In that time, you’ll likely make dinner, sit and watch TV, shower and prepare for the next day. You won’t necessarily cater this time for loving attention to your partner. So it’s really important to plan to have that quality time together on the weekends, regain your spark and to do things you both enjoy and have some romantic get-aways to mix things up.

 

7. You have to factor your partner into your daily decisions

Normally you’d pop to the pub and spend hours chatting with friends and maybe have some dinner out – then mooch back whenever and pass out on your bed. Well, I hate to break it to you, you have to kind of factor your partner in your decisions. If you stumble in at 1am without saying where you’ve been or wake them up before their early start – it’s not really fair. Making your partner aware of your plans is really important, not so they can stalk your every move – but so you don’t waste their time and make them worry.

You will also invariably have more joint plans – so communication is really important again. A shared calendar app is a great way of finding out when you’re both busy and therefore can plan things around it.

8. Remember to appreciate what your partner does, and thank them for it

They may have gone on a cleaning blitz and sorted the whole house, or brought you back all your favourite food on a food shop. The thoughtful gestures which are purely to help you and make the house the best place it can possibly be. It’s easy to forget that these gestures take time, thought and sometimes extra money. So appreciate it! All it takes is a simple “thank you”, and to genuinely find what they’ve done really helpful.

9. Communication is key, as ever

Your partner cannot read your mind, so if you’re getting really annoyed with toothpaste on the sink, or towels left on the floor – tell them. But not in a confrontational way, just let them know that it’s not pleasant for you and work together. Learn how to discuss problems calmly and effectively. All problems can be solved with effective communication: listening and actually hearing what your partner is saying, acknowledging them without getting angry and working through it.

10. Realise that you are two different people and you may not do everything exactly the same way

They may do the washing up differently, not tidy as they go, or watch more TV than you do. Don’t expect to sync up right away! You are two entirely individual people with different communication styles, different ways of working and different routines. Communicate any frustrations you have, quickly and Kindly as you can.

All sound okay? Well then, good luck in your new home!