The office romance: the forbidden fruit, the side-eye butterflies, the break-time flirting. Dating a colleague is much more common than you think, often starting off as a secret affair, office romances can more often turn into strong life-long relationships than other ways of meeting people.
“We met at work”
If you, alongside many people in the UK, have a 9 – 5.30 office job, you are likely spend more hours of the day with your colleagues than you do your family, friends or even your partner.
According to research from totaljobs, 22% of people meet their actual romantic partner at work, too. That’s compared to 13% meeting online, 18% meeting through friends, and 10% finding each other on a night out. So if you’re keeping a work relationship on the down-low, you’re part of quite a large percentage!
“Most adults spend a minimum of 1,680 hours per year in the office, so you are likely to spend more time with your coworkers than almost anyone else,” David Brudö, CEO and cofounder of the mental well-being app Remente said. “While you do not have a say in who your coworkers are, chances are that you will have common interests.”
22% of people meet their actual romantic partner at work
Not to mention, working in an office, with the same people day after day gives you the unique opportunity to really get to know someone in a way that you simply can’t on many dating websites or apps.
“Working with someone daily, you will see how they respond to a problem, act under pressure, and interact with other coworkers,” he said. “It is also easy to start sharing personal information and commiserating about difficulties faced in the office — perhaps over a lunch or after-work drinks.”
The survey of 5,795 UK workers revealed that two out of three people would be up for dating a colleague, while the remaining third would never dream of it. The main reason they gave for being wary was that they just didn’t think romance and work should mix.
Shhhh! It’s a secret!
Among many people there’s a fair amount of stigma attached to dating someone in your office, which is probably a factor in why 76% of those surveyed said they would keep their office romance a secret.
We are all aware of an unspoken rule that you “should not date your colleague”, and there are quite a few reasons behind it: you risk losing your job, becoming uncomfortable at work, or creating office drama that could hurt your professional reputation.
76% of those surveyed said they would keep their office romance a secret
Around 60% of those surveyed said they felt the pressure to act more professionally when they were in a work relationship, and 51% said they were concerned about gossip. One in three people said they felt judged by their coworkers for their relationship, one in six got made fun of, and one in 10 were even discriminated against as a result. Blimey!
Whether you’re a man or woman in this scenario also has it’s consequences: the survey also found that woman dating their manager is more likely to take a career hit than a man dating their manager in terms of promotions, salaries, and bonuses, and even relationships with other colleagues.
Is it love? Or just similar behaviours?
Psychologically, even if we aren’t aware of it, the intensity created in a work situation can mirror the intensity we experience in sexual relationships – leading to some strange feelings and emotions.
In a post written for Psychology Today, counsellor Gregory L. Jantz says “Such feelings of attachment and unity can be similar enough to cause confusion. Even if the conscious mind does not acknowledge the connection, often the subconscious will. One or both partners may find themselves suddenly considering the other from a sexual point of view.”
Spending more time together tends to break down defences between people faster, “a coworker can easily start to feel like the most important person in your life, romantically or otherwise,” “It is important to recognise, however, the difference between feeling a certain closeness to someone because of the situation you are in (working together), and actually falling in love.”
Interesting! So whether you’re considering a work fling or getting serious with someone, just make sure you’re doing what’s right for you! Meeting someone at work is a perfectly legitimate way to start a relationship, so simply, good luck to you!
Have you had a office romance? Let me know in the comments and how it turned out!
