What is Love Bombing? Why is it a big red flag when you’re first dating someone? Can it happen to anyone?
Well, it’s a new term for a dating trend which has been around for centuries… Love bombing is when someone you’re newly dating or seeing displays unnaturally large amounts of affection and adoration right from the outset, in order to win you over.
Usually, once you’re settled into the relationship, or been together a while, those initial wonderful, “caring”, ways of showing you they care, are withdrawn, casually replaced with their true colours: usually manipulation and controlling behaviours – and all the things you loved about them to begin with disappear.
You then wonder what went wrong, usually blaming yourself for the change of behaviour. But it’s so slight and gradual, anyone can be affected. Especially those who are more vulnerable and drawn in by someone who showers them with love. Love bombing is effective because everyone wants to feel good, and the person love bombing may not even realise what they’re doing.
The manipulation won’t feel like manipulation, it’ll be like gaslighting – the slow convincing that you’re in the wrong, and actually, they’re the victim.
Love Bombing is dangerous, and if you suspect your new partner of it, then honestly? Run a mile.
Once your honeymoon period draws to a close, a partner who’s love bombing you will do a total personality 180. The goal, of course, being to woo you with their extreme romance at the beginning of the relationship so that you’re willing to tolerate (or totally overlook) abusive, toxic behaviour that comes later on.
Here are some signs which can indicate whether the person you’re with is, or has, love bombed you:
Overly complimentary
A sincere, well-meaning compliment is never a bad thing, but if your partner is love bombing you, they’ll shower you with compliments that feel shallow or inauthentic simply to butter you up.
Constantly telling you how beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, etc will feel great initially, but after a few weeks alarm bells should be going off with the sheer excess of it.
Says I love you super soon
You’ve known them for a week, they say those three words, eight letters: I Love You.
Sorry, what?
It may seem all “love at first sight” and romantic, but how on earth is someone meant to know if they love you after such a short amount of time? How can they possible understand the complexities of you, you at your best, worst, your family, your loves and hates? It’s simply not possible. They barely know you.
If they’re a fast mover, and exhibit these other signs, you should be skeptical.
Moves really fast
Someone who is love bombing you will talk about the future a lot – moving in together, meeting the family, having children, marriage – the lot.
You may feel overwhelmed with affection to the point where you’re so enamoured that you join in – yes! They want what you want! Right?
Wrong.
This is a HUGE red flag. These are major relationship milestones, which if rushed you can end up not really knowing what you want.
People can become infatuated with each other very quickly which is fine. But if someone starts showering you with so much love and attention too quickly, you have to question their pacing and their judgement. This person doesn’t know you, after all…
They make lots of grand, dramatic gestures
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making a romantic gesture in a relationship… but if someone is taking you on hot air balloon rides or holding a boombox outside your window when you’ve just started dating, that might be a clue that their love bombs aren’t all that sincere.
They’re very intense
If it feels like your new partner has a knack for saying just the right things to make you feel good, then ask yourself if he or she is being authentic or manipulating…
It feels absolutely, head over heels perfect…
You know that phrase, if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is? Here is a prime example of when this is relevant! Trust your gut instincts and if you feel that the person is too perfect… take a step back and reevaluate. They may be great, but everyone has flaws – which we can overlook when we love them – but if they’re almost too shiny in their perfection…. do a runner.
Love Bombing is SCARY
What makes love bombing so worrying, is that it can be really hard to tell whether a new partner is genuinely head-over-heels for you, or whether all their affectionate, caring behaviours are really love bombs.
Your brain will get addicted to the affection. So, once the abuse and controlling behavior come, you’re less likely to recognise it and act on it, no matter how strong you think you are. Plus, all your partner has to do is throw out a few more love bombs and you’re more likely to forgive and forget.
If you spot these signs from the outset, don’t wait to find out what happens…
