In April 2025, I made the choice to quit my job. It was not an easy decision, but in the end was the right one for me.
Let’s rewind. January 2022, I started my much-coveted and long-worked-for job at arguably the most-loved family entertainment giant on the planet. I felt on top of the world, I achieved my dream job. Working there gave me huge opportunity for growth both professionally and personally, and I genuinely consider myself so lucky for it.
When we found out I was pregnant in September 2023, I knew that everything was going to change. Unfortunately, I also knew that post-pregnancy, something was going to have to give. I commuted 4 days a week to work in London, a round trip of nearly 4 hours. I left the house at 7am, returning at 8pm.
Plans were set in motion. My husband and I squirrelled away every penny we could – living as though we were on a fraction of our actual salaries. We’re not big spenders anyway so this didn’t feel too much of a hardship. Thankfully, by the time my maternity leave began, I was able to start saving on the costly commute too.
However, I was still in two minds. I loved my job. Would I want to go back when the time came? By the end of my maternity leave, despite it feeling bittersweet, I knew what my gut and heart was telling me.
Am I a bad feminist for choosing to be a SAHM?
Being a stay-at-home-mum (or SAHM as the internet has usefully abbreviated it to) has a bit of a bad rep in 2025. From a cost of living crisis and economic necessity, to government encouragement to return to work and a broad cultural shift challenging traditional gender roles, being a SAHM is still considered reminiscent of being – I hate to say it – a 1950’s housewife.
Except, it’s not the same thing at all. Why is paying for someone to look after my child considered a proper job, but looking after them myself isn’t?
The question has crossed my mind a few times – am I bad feminist for choosing this path for myself? The answer I get to every time I think it: absolutely not. Feminism is about women having the choice to do what they want, and this is what I chose after a decade of working. However, I still feel like I’m doing something taboo and going against the grain.
Maybe it’s our capitalist society’s perception that my only way of being a productive citizen is to be contributing to the economy via a workplace.
Maybe it’s because, for the variety of aforementioned reasons, there are so few SAHMs nowadays.
Maybe it’s due to many women wanting to avoid being tarred with the ring-wing “trad wife” or “house wife” brush.
Or maybe it’s because brave women before us fought tirelessly for the right to work equally in the workplace, and have wider career dreams outside of having a family, that it feels ungrateful to suddenly drop everything to not do that.
If you google stay at home mum, it conjures up images of stressed women juggling house chores, cooking, holding a crying baby, whilst – for some unknown reason – doing all that on the phone. It all just feels really antiquated and archaic. Where’s the fun, and enjoyment which is actually there?
However. I’ve never been one to follow the herd – after ten years of work, this feels right to me and is making me really happy, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I know it’s a huge privilege to be able to look after my son.
I want to recognise that I am aware that not everyone can afford to, or has the ability to have flexibility with work. I also know that it’s devastatingly hard for many people who want to stay at home but simply can’t. That’s not lost on me.
I’m also very supportive of those who want to go back to work, and if they choose to put their child in nursery or another form of childcare, I don’t judge them for that. It’s a deeply personal choice and I appreciate every family functions differently.
From judgement and confusion, to envy and admiration, I’ve had all the emotional responses to my decision. So why did I quit my dream job?
The most obvious reason, and reason I often cite is, frankly, I don’t want to miss any of my son’s milestones. I love getting to know him and adore spending my time with him: he is honestly the best, funniest, most brilliant little human. Yeah, it’s hard work. Often I think it’s harder in some ways than an office job because there are absolutely no breaks, and I rarely have time to myself, but it’s so worth it.
However, I think the foremost reason is my own childhood experience. I rarely acknowledge it, but it’s probably the largest contributing factor in my choosing to look after my son myself.
I was in nursery full time from 9 months old and I actually have vaguely good memories of that time: I had plenty of friends, we did fun things. I remember eating breakfast there, playing with dolls houses and running around in the garden. I attribute my social skills to being at nursery from a young age – I’ll talk to anyone, I like making new friends, I hate people feeling left out. I also, however, attribute my anxious attachment type to this, with such early and prolonged separation from my parents.
When I started school, I went to a childminder, who was lovely and the other children were nice enough, but I remember vividly holding onto my mum’s leg at many a drop off, not wanting her to go to work. The amount of time spent away from my parents was huge, especially proportionate to my age.
My younger sister still went to nursery for the day whilst I was at school, but things changed when the nursery suddenly closed. My parents, with the absolute best intentions, asked one of the nursery workers to come look after my sister and I as a nanny. She wasn’t, to put it politely, the kindest of women. In fact, looking back as an adult, I’d go as far as to say she was neglectful. She lied to my parents about what we were doing and where we spent our time, and there were multiple times where I felt unsafe or an inconvenience. Soon, my parents could tell something wasn’t right as we were miserable when they came home from work and things weren’t adding up, and she was let go. My dad then chose to leave his job and become a stay at home dad (even rarer a thing) to make sure my sister and I had good care, by this time I was five.
I guess all of this compounded meant that, for me, no one I don’t know and trust is looking after my children.
What are my plans for the future?
I feel this weird obligation to explain myself and my future working plans whenever I talk about being a SAHM. If I’m honest, I’m just enjoying the time I have with him and not looking too far ahead.
I’m also running a part-time photography business, plus enjoying delving into the creative side of my mind more. I haven’t had the mental capacity to work on this blog for such a long time, but with my new lifestyle, I am honestly finding myself loving writing again.
Overall, life is too short and I value this time more than anything right now. He’s only young once and I’m so glad I get to spend his formative years with him.
