Here’s the cold, hard truth: If they’re too scared to commit, it means they’re willing to let you go. After asking many people about this, the general consensus is that no matter how freaked out or scared they are, if they like you enough and want to be with you, they will do whatever it takes – they will not let you go, no matter what.
There are a plethora of reasons that people give if they’re not that interested: they’re scared, not ready, are too busy or don’t want a serious relationship… we’ve heard it all before. So why do we still convince ourselves that we can be the one to ‘change’ them into wanting to be with us?
The answer: because we see it as a challenge and when we really like someone, we refuse to see the truth through the fog of infatuation.
Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) in When Harry Met Sally, says around the middle of the film: ‘All this time, I was saying he didn’t want to get married, but the truth is, he just didn’t want to marry me.’ The same applies in this situation (minus the marriage part), they may say they don’t want a relationship, but the truth is, they just don’t want a relationship with YOU. Ouch.
It’s particularly hard when you’ve spent months dating this person and have unintentionally developed feelings for them. It’s even harder when you know you have a connection that is hard to find.
However, you wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. So why on earth are you trying to make a boyfriend or girlfriend out of someone who ultimately doesn’t want you? What happened to your self-respect?
It all comes down to valuing yourself. Know your value: if they don’t value or respect you enough to risk investing emotion and time in you, then you deserve more. Don’t let yourself be walked over.
If they don’t make the effort, or won’t try: End the wishing and hoping. End the disappointment and anger that inevitably follows. You are amazing, beautiful and deserve to be swept off your feet.