What is a healthy relationship? With the only depiction most people getting being from television, films or relationships close to them, many of us are perplexed as to what a healthy relationship actually looks like.
Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation, not real love. Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in it is usually doomed. It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealisation, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is.
There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation, but it doesn’t always feel like that.
What is the difference between real, honest love and unhealthy obsession?
When you love someone, it is pretty effortless. You don’t need them to be any certain way. You don’t need to possess them. You don’t need a title from them. You just love having them in your life and they love being in yours.
You understand each other. You laugh together. You don’t need them, but rather, you just enjoy them.
That’s love. That’s compatibility.
Obsession, on the other hand, does not feel pleasant. It feels very urgent, very important, and very stressful.
When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them, like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not and will not be okay.
Granted, even good relationships have a little bit of fixation mixed in with them (a little bit), but it is only during very occasional occurrences.
Unfortunately people have the idea that relationships are supposed to be hard. Not true. If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, ‘This person is not for you! Get out!’
If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you.
When you fixate on a relationship, you are choking the joy out of your own experience and that negative vibe seeps into your relationship and very quickly poisons it.
Instead of your partner feeling relaxed around you, they feel pressure (like they’re afraid to offend you or upset you). Instead of you being their sanctuary and escape, you become a person (or vibe) that they wants to escape from.
If the way you’re thinking about things makes you feel bad, you’re on the wrong track. Get off the path of self-sabotaging your relationship.
Get to a place where your life is happy and full. That is the best thing for your love life. Stop worrying about being dumped. Instead, occupy your time with dumping negative ideas, negative thoughts and negative influences. Dump everything that makes you feel bad. Dump all that drains the colour and joy from your life and fill that space with everything you love, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Do what makes you happy and your love life will follow suit.