The Simple Secret to Making Love Last

 

Ever wondered how some couples just ‘get’ relationships?

How some last longer than others, or how marriages have lasted years and years?

They are super happy together, feel loved and know that they always will.

 

WHAT IS THEIR SECRET?!

The answer is so simple. And I discovered it whilst reading a book recommended by a friend. This book outlines the exhaustive way to make love last, it teaches you how to make your partner feel truly loved, let you truly understand each other, and overall succeed in a happy relationship.

 

HURRY UP AND TELL ME THE SECRET! I hear you cry…

 

So, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love in different “love langua­ges­”.

Chapman suggests that, emotio­nally, people need to receive love in their own love language, in order to be meaningful to them, and feel truly loved.

He uses the metaphor of a ‘love tank’. So when your tank is empty, you feel unloved, as your partner hasn’t been expressing love in a way you understand.  You don’t feel the love.

When you feel loved, your ‘tank’ is full.

 

Just like you may speak English fluently, and Spanish as a second language, each person has one primary and one secondary love language, which makes them feel most loved.

So, if your partner only spoke Serbian and Greek, your love won’t be understood if you were talking to them in English. Make sense?

The secret to love that lasts, is to express your love in a way your partner appreciates most. To speak to them in their ‘love language’.

These five love languages are:

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, out of the blue compli­ments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are import­ant­ – h­earing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

QUALITY TIME

For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,:” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-, with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standb­y, makes your signif­icant other feel truly special and loved. Distra­ctions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

RECEIVING GIFTS

Don’t mistake this love language for materi­alism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, though­tfu­lness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, annive­rsary, or a hasty, though­tless gift would be disast­rou­s–so would the absence of everyday gestures.

ACTS OF SERVICE

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolu­tely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Servic­e” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surpri­singly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face–they can all be ways to show excite­ment, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and access­ibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforg­ivable and destructive.

 

The best way to figure out what your partner’s love language is, is to think about what they nag/request/ask for the most. Do they like spending lots of time with you? Do they love compliments or gifts?

Alternatively, how do they show you love? Do they always have a hot meal on the table when you get home from work? Do they always buy you gifts? Do they compliment you lots?

What you partner does for you, says a lot about what they like to receive themselves.

The best way to make your love last is not only knowing what makes your partner feel loved, but knowing your own language, so you know what makes you tick.

The combination of making your partner feel loved meaningfully, in a way they’d understand, and ensuring you feel loved – as well as understanding/appreciating what your partner DOES do for you, will make for a love that truly lasts.

 

Find out more: The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is available on Amazon.