You’re at a stage in your relationship where you’re at a cross-roads.
You start googling ‘how do I know if this relationship is right for me?’, or wondering what it’d be like to be single…
You see website posts which repeatedly tell you to never settle for anything less than what you deserve 😉.
Then you start to question yourself, your life, whether you’re just being plain silly. You ask yourself, just what are the conclusive signs of settling? The signs which altogether result in one big, can’t-ignore-even-if-I-want-to, red flag that, actually, your partner isn’t the one for you? How do you know?
1. You can’t decide whether you still have feelings…. or not.
It’s normal for feelings to be questioned on the occasion, but if you’re always wondering whether you still love them or not, then that’s a pretty big red flag that something isn’t quite right. Maybe you’re in a temporary rough patch, or maybe this has been ongoing for months – either way, constant questioning isn’t great.
2. Little things they do REALLY bug you.
They always leave the bed unmade; they always put their mug down next to the coaster; they always breathe too loudly. If tiny little annoyances are becoming a big deal in your relationship, you probably have some bigger problems to address. You don’t have to love every little thing about your S.O, but, like, some things shouldn’t get to you.
3. You don’t feel guilty when you think about cheating on your partner.
Another thing people in happy (monogamous) relationships don’t do is cheat on their partners. And hey, even monogamous couples slip up and recover. But you should make each other happy enough that the idea of sleeping with someone else isn’t your biggest turn-on.
4. When you can’t be bothered to message or talk to them, and the thought of doing so is effort.
You don’t feel excited to talk to them about random things you see throughout your day, this relationship is on the fast path to becoming burdensome.
5. You’d rather spend time with your friends, or just yourself, instead of your partner.
If you’d rather be doing literally anything else than hanging out with your partner, then something is seriously wrong. You should want to spend time with them. If this isn’t the case, then this relationship is definitely not for you.
6. You feel noticeably less interested in sex.
People like to say sex isn’t the be-all and end-all in a relationship, but it’s incredibly important and can serve as a good indicator for other problems you might be having. You should be sexually attracted to your partner, and when sex starts feeling like a burden, then something isn’t right.
7. The idea of starting all over with someone new, or being alone is just too scary.
Finding someone you actually like, and then getting comfortable enough to just be your human self around them takes a long time, lots of trust and plenty of effort. But that’s no reason to give up just because you’re pretty comfortable and sort-of-like the person you’re currently with.
If you start to question whether a relationship or situation is right for you or not, that there might be better things out there for you, or even if you realise that you’re just not happy – be brave. Never accept ‘but what if there’s no one else out there?’ or ‘I don’t want to start over’ as the only reason to stay.
Make the terrifying and challenging decision to break away, because believe me, it’s so so worth it.
I believe we only get one life, and you owe it to yourself to be happy. Don’t settle just because it feels comfortable or safe.