If you want it to last, don’t treat your relationship like its disposable
The recent Channel 4 Series ‘Seven Year Switch’ highlighted how long term relationships all have their own problems. No relationship is perfect and they’re certainly not smooth sailing.
Throughout the series, we followed the relationships of four couples who were stuck for different reasons and couldn’t find a way forward. By being swapped with someone else who they could learn something different from, the hope was they would see a different perspective.
Despite the fact that each of them had told their partner how unhappy they were, and the reasons why, it took a complete stranger to tell them and for them to really hear and then pay attention.
[Read: Is A Life-Long Relationship Realistic In The 21st Century?]Relationships are about two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other
Relationship expert Wendy Capewell believes that no relationship is perfect. By treating it as a disposable commodity and moving from one relationship to another, people take the same baggage into the next – adding to it with each new one. Each time becoming more bruised and battered as they search for, but never find utopia.
“In today’s society we want instant gratification, constantly seeking an adrenalin fix – fuelled by the latest gadget on the market. This is happening in relationships too”.
Modern marketing has become a science, convincing us we need the latest model of TV, mobile phone, car. We are persuaded this latest version is much improved, and initially we may get the adrenalin rush that satisfies us – just like an addict gets their fix. But its short lived. So, we move on, searching for the next adrenalin rush.
The same is happening with today’s relationships. At the start of a relationship there is the adrenaline kick, as our hormones work overtime. But as life settles down into every -day routine disagreements start, just as we saw with the couples in Channel 4’s series.
Social media adds to the dissatisfaction, with stories and images of others seemingly perfect lives. Happy couples being portrayed experiencing amazing holidays, romantic dinners, extravagant gifts.
“We live in a disposable society, where if something isn’t working as we want it to – we throw it away and get something newer, or so we believe – ever dissatisfied. Often finding the newer version isn’t much different from the previous one.” Capewell explains.
“It’s the same with relationships. Either the couple give up and move on when things aren’t going well, or they put up with it feeling more and more miserable. Often emotionally leaving the relationship, finding outside distractions or having an affair. If only they could communicate their concerns to each other without feeling it is falling on deaf ears, or it turning into a blazing row. Continually sniping at each other, or trying to ignore it, bottling it up and hoping it will resolve itself. Until that fateful day when one turns to the other and says ’ I want out – I’ve had enough’!”
[Read: Are We All Scared Of A Happily Never After?]
Reality
The reality of a real relationship is that of two people who love, care and are committed to each other, sticking together through the tough times
Wendy Capewell believes it makes sense to work through issues together, and she dedicates her time via her website http://yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk/ to help couples get back on track. ‘The success is amazing and the couple I have worked with can’t believe they almost get back to that honeymoon feeling after looking within. It also interesting to see that as a result of the channel 4 programme I have received a lot more enquiries of couple willing to work things through’.
Couples fell in love and pledged to stay together at the start, so why give up so easily. Why spend time looking for what is wrong in a relationship, instead of seeing the positives and building on them.
The cost of a broken relationship is far more than a financial one. Emotional scars run deep, as well as a lifetime of disappointment and regrets, trying to understand why is all went wrong.
It’s perfectly possible to keep the magic in a relationship, building on those positives and making it stronger and happier.
The 3 important ingredients of any relationship are –
Commitment – being committed to making the relationship work, and doing whatever it takes.
Caring – for each other and doing the best for the other. Remember that you get out of a relationship what you put in.
Communication – Being able to talk honestly and openly about issues as they occur. As well as being prepared to hear the other’s point of view, even when you don’t agree.
By recognising the triggers and addressing the issues early on, before resentment becomes ingrained, just as therapist Lee Valls and coach Vena Ramphal in the recent series ‘ 7 Year Switch’, Wendy supports couples to improve the communication between them, work through the difficulties, reconnect and build a stronger and happier relationship and partnership.
When people walk away from their relationship instead of taking the time to discover the reasons things went wrong, they continue to perpetuate the issues that caused their relationship to go awry, and so they move from one relationship to another being unhappy and discontented.
To find out how you can work on getting the sparkle back into your marriage and access free blogs and resources head to http://yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk/
*This post was created in collaboration with Relationship Expert, Wendy Capewell of Your Relationship Specialist
