Nothing cools the heat of heartbreak quite like the rebound relationship. They are a fantastic distraction, a new lease of life, a chance for us to think “wow this is different!”…. but they can be totally toxic and incredibly unfair on the new partner you’ve found yourself with. They can be super helpful for us, but to drag someone through the emotional nightmare you’re going through, only to drop them, is actually pretty cruel.
Unfortunately, sometimes we become, or are with someone who can’t admit to themselves that they’re rebounding, let alone the person they’re seeing.
So what are the warning signs? Here are 10 sign that you’re probably a rebound to your newly-single partner:
1. Their last relationship ended suddenly and out of the blue
When you come out of a relationship, knowing it was over long ago, you have more time to mourn it and it may take less time to heal after it’s finally over. However If your partner was dumped suddenly and left confused, hurt and all over the place, chances are higher that they haven’t had enough time to heal before committing to someone new.
2. They’re not really too sure of their own identity
Most people have hobbies, life goals, anything that establishes who they are as individuals. Right after a breakup, it’s easy to feel like those things have changed or disappeared completely. If they can’t tell you much of anything about themselves besides retelling the trauma of the breakup, it’s a pretty clear sign they haven’t taken the time to heal and reassess who they are without their ex.
3. They go hot and cold ALL THE TIME
Does their obsession with you abruptly morph into a cold distance that is way more dramatic than your typical end-of-honeymoon settling into each other? Are they inexplicably moody? Do they exhibit classic commitment-phobe behaviours? In the wake of their last breakup, they don’t know what they want or what the hell they’re even doing, and you’re getting caught in the crossfire.
4. They act like they’re madly in love with you…
Not that you’re not amazing and lovable or anything, but they barely know you well enough to even know that yet. Are they calling you The One even though you just met, like, fifteen seconds ago?
5. There is ALOT of ex talk, and you get the feeling they’re trying to make their ex jealous
Maybe they insist they’re over their last relationship, but now and then they lash out, seemingly out of nowhere, about what a monster their former lover is. They parade you around like a prop at parties where their ex is in attendance or get a bizarre, twitchy look of satisfied hatred in their eyes when hitting the “post” button on couple-y selfies of you two. Weird.
Do they still SEE their ex? Do they still keep an excessive amount of pictures of the ex around the house? Do they cry on your shoulder about their heartbreak a lot? Make no mistake, it is not some great honour that you have been chosen to make them feel normal. It’s easy to presume that once they’ve finally healed from the breakup, they’ll look to you as the amazing god/goddess who swept into their life at just the right time to make it all better, but odds are they’ll just sort of forget you exist. If you can barely squeeze in a moment of actual fun between all their rants about their ex, run, don’t walk.
[Read: Why Do Women Fall For Bad Guys?]
6. The relationship moves really fast and really slow at the same time.
On the outside, your relationship is growing at a really fast speed. Within a few weeks, they’re declaring their love for you, you’re all but living together, and nearly every waking moment is spent in each other’s company or talking to each other. Weirdly, though, you feel like you’ve barely gotten to know them in between all those massive declarations and epic sex sessions, and there’s a strange lack of actual commitment compared to how much time they spend with you.
7. Sex is ALWAYS on the menu
Luckily, there are a billion more reasons you might be having lots of great sex with someone you’re into (THANK GOD), but rebounders in particular like to use sex as a means of distraction that allows them to feel connected to someone without diving into the nitty gritty of deeper emotions. SO if they’re only interested in the D or V… get your coat and run!
8. Your connection either feels abnormally fulfilling or totally empty.
Is this person conveniently everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner and so emotionally available so quickly that they seem to have literally nothing else going on in their lives? Does that make you wonder sometimes if it’s all too good to be true? That, friends, is the danger zone, second only to a feeling which leaves you feeling lonely and empty when you’re together.
9. They act like they’ve been with you for years, rather than a few weeks
Perhaps they’ve already decided on what side of the bed you’ll sleep on, or force the creation of “adorable” inside jokes. They talk to you as if you’ve been together for years instead of for a few seconds. They want to lounge around the house with you in sweats and run errands together instead of going out and about like newer couples tend to do. They already have a set relationship routine (probably leftover from their ex), and you’ve just been dropped into the middle of it.
[Read: How To Treat A Girl Right]
10. You have that feeling that you were just the first person to come into their lives, rather than being actually liked for you
This is such an dreadful way to feel, and once the idea’s in your head, it’s hard to ignore. It also means it’s time to RUN. This won’t be fun if you’ve started to get invested in this person, but sticking around and hoping they’ll magically love you for who you really are and leave their ex in the dust will just hurt that much more.
Don’t let yourself be that person, don’t be the rebound! You’re worth so much more than that, and if you feel like you’re exhibiting these behaviours yourself – perhaps take a look in the mirror and see how it’s going to affect someone else’s feelings.
