One of the most used new millennial terms: fuckboy.
Any gal who has waded through the swamp of dating knows that in today’s world, the chances of meeting a fuckboy is about the same as walking past a Pret-A-Manger in central London.
Fuckboy is the new term for a bad guy: but it’s not just the 90’s ‘bit of a rebel’ kind of bad-boy, a fuckboy is someone who will mess you around, drip feed you attention, and leave you feeling like the psycho one.
So why on earth do we women fall for fuckboy’s charm over and over again? Are we just glutton’s for punishment?
We need to take a long hard look at the reasons why women seem to go for bad boys – even when we say we want someone nice.
The first thing to address is when people believe it’s the shitty behaviour which makes bad boys so attractive. It’s not. Despite what many think, women never actively go out looking for someone who will ghost them, neglect them and generally treat them badly.[Read: 13 Signs You’re Dating A Fuckboy]
So what makes women fall for bad guys? Why do we seem to somehow always fall prey to the emotional-roller coaster that is the fuckboy?
Fuckboys don’t wait around for the right time
Let’s look at the scenario: a shy, nice, normal guy has a crush on a woman. He spends weeks trying to tell if she likes him back. Then… after days of building up the guts to say something he finds out that she’s started seeing someone else.
Fuckboys generally have more success simply because they didn’t wait around.
The nice guys, the guys you should be with, are notably more scared of rejection than fuckboys, who feel they don’t have anything to lose.
Nice guys dither and dally to the point where it’s too late. They won’t say anything until they’re super sure they’ll succeed.[Read: Nice Guys (Don’t) Always Finish Last]
They’re a challenge
Bad guys are always just that little bit out of reach.
They drip-feed you attention, tantalising in their unavailability – they give you just enough attention so you don’t go elsewhere, and yet still feel they’re attainable. Those glimmers of hope and effort, along with the pull-push behaviour makes him that much more interesting. Us humans value things we have to work for, over the things we’re given on a plate.
They’re not boring
Fuckboys may be absolute nightmare, tear-inducing ticking time bombs, but they’re not boring.
They are funny, suave, charming and you genuinely feel like the most important person with them, all the while they’re messaging a handful of other women when you’ve popped to the loo.
Our hormones don’t help
If you find yourself drooling over the obvious fuckboy in a restaurant, or in a club, or on the bus,, you can blame your ovaries…
According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology back in 2012, women, in the week of ovulation, “delude themselves into thinking that the sexy bad boys will become devoted partners and better dads,”
You like their ‘potential’ and think you can change them
Bad boys are also attractive because of their potential.
Maybe they’re just a lost boy that just needs love. We believe we can love and understand him like no-one else can. We believe we can unleash his potential, support him, be by his side. That he’ll change cause he has so much potential, and he’ll realise that we are the shining light that showed him the way.
We genuinely believe we can be the ones to change them.
We can’t. We can’t change who people are fundamentally, no matter how much we really want to believe it.
So, maybe we’ll never learn and always fall for the bad guys, or just MAYBE we’ll finally realise that real love lies in the nice guys.