Insecurity is responsible for the large majority of problems in relationships. Knowing how to stop being insecure in a relationship can save it.
Insecurity is the feeling inside of uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence and feeling inadequate. Believe me, we’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s pretty normal to have moments of doubting yourself occasionally, continual insecurity can hinder our success in life and can be especially detrimental to our close relationships.
Trust issues, jealousy, and clingyness are all signs of insecurity.
You can come across as the most confident person ever but if you are experiencing the aforementioned problems often, you’re probably fairly insecure. When you struggle to trust your significant other and, deep down, you don’t think they want to be with you, the issues simply won’t go away on their own.
One main thing to remember before I go on, is that you’re not a bad person for being insecure. You are brilliant, just need a little more faith in yourself and the relationship. We’ve all had to learn the hard way about insecurities, and learning to love ourselves, so if you’re adamant to make a change, it’s a great first step.
[Read: The Difference Between Love and Obsession]How to put a stop to the insecurity and live the life you want
I won’t lie to you, this is going to be difficult. Insecurity problems are generally pretty deep-rooted and won’t just disappear with the click of fingers. There’s no quick sure-fire route to solve these issues. Having said this, if you make a concerted effort to improve, you’ll inevitably be much happier in life as well as in your relationship.
#1 Realise where the root of the issue stems from
What we’re insecure about vastly differs from person to person. It could be that we don’t like the way we look, or how clever we are, or that we’re not good enough generally.
You simply need to take a step back and really think about where this insecurity stems from. Knowing where it comes is the first step to help you move on, and focus on becoming more secure in who you are.
#2 Put an end to blaming your partner
Your partner isn’t to blame for your insecurity. It’s incredibly common to blame your partner for talking to someone else, or looking at someone who’s attractive. You need to remember your self-worth and put an end to blaming others.
The more you blame, the more you will push your partner away. Accept the way you’re feeling and note that it’s not their job to make you feel confident (but at the same time they shouldn’t be straying!).
#3 Do some self-reflecting
Take a good long look at the way you’re acting within the relationship. Do you want it to work with your partner? Do you want to lose them?
The sad truth is if you keep up with the insecure tendencies, that could happen. Realisation of this can come as a big shock – but it’s true. We need to rid these feelings and behaviours, or it will truly sabotage everything we love.
[Read: The Secret To A Happy Relationship]#4 Talk about it
You should feel comfortable talking through these problems with your partner. Open up and express that you don’t like certain things about yourself or you feel like they’re going to leave you for whatever reason.
It isn’t your significant other’s job to make you feel confident, but they should try to help you feel better. They want you to be happy and if you commit to working on things, they will too.
Your friends also may not realise you are insecure at all. We can tend to put on a facade, and hold back in order to seem like we have everything under control. Be transparent with your friends – they’re there for you.
#5 Remember your partner chose you
This is a MASSIVE point, one which took me a long time to realise in my own relationships.
Out of everyone your partner could have, they chose you. They want you in their life and they’re not just going to up and leave. You have to remember this or you’ll continue to drive yourself nuts with insecurity.
#6 No one is perfect
When listing all the flaws you think you have, remember that EVERYONE has things they don’t like about themselves. No one is picture perfect. Your partner even has flaws, but do you want to leave them because of them? Probably not.
Actively attempting to be ‘perfect’ 100% of the time will drive you bananas. Because humans aren’t perfect. We’re full of flaws and we all make mistakes. Anyway, a feature you dislike about yourself may be your partner’s favourite thing.
[Read: How To Deal With A Partner Poacher]#7 Be healthy
Work out, eat healthy, sleep well and drink plenty. This isn’t about making yourself look better on the outside, but about how you really feel on the inside. Exercise provides you vital endorphins and nutritious food and plenty of sleep and water can improve your general outlook dramatically.
Be strong physically and you’ll build that confidence right up before you know it.
#8 Try to be the best person you can be
Instead of worrying about your significant other going elsewhere, you should be thinking about how decent a person you are. You should always be trying to improve and do better and be better.
When you’re actively being a good person, it’ll make you feel great. And not only that, but your partner will want to be with someone who is always trying to be the best person they can be.
#9 Whatever you don’t do, don’t compare
This is the worst thing you can do for your insecurity. If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you’ll never feel happy because you’ll never BE someone else.
Love yourself. Love every little thing – your arms, your calves, your nose. Love your cackle of a laugh and your curly hair. Love your lack of ability to get jokes, and that you’re so creative/smart/funny. You have so many GOOD qualities, don’t wish you were someone else.
You are unique and literally the only one of you there will ever be on this earth.
Never allow someone else to make you feel less than the amazing person you are. Know your worth. You are worthy of an amazing relationship and if your partner can’t see that, then they aren’t deserving.
[Read: The One Thing All Women Want (From A Relationship)]#10 Seek help
Sometimes we struggle to pinpoint the real issues on our own. Occasionally we will require someone with skill and experience to show us what it is. So go talk to a counsellor. They can help uncover some of those things you’re having issues with and formulate a plan you can actually put into effect.
Figuring out how to stop being insecure in a relationship takes a lot of self-reflecting and time. You need to constantly make an effort to better yourself and love who you are. But you are worthy, remember that.
