There are some serious issues with what we’ve seen on this year’s Love Island so far. Manipulation, blame, validation, possessiveness and selfishness. Toxic behaviour. But it’s just a game, isn’t it?
You can see the cries on social media – Adam “is just doing what boys do!” VS “Adam’s a snake“, or “It’s just a game” VS “these are real people with real feelings“.
People are criticising the behaviour, because we’ve all been there. Most girls know an “Adam” or a “Wes” and most women have been blamed for reacting (perfectly legitimately) to shit behaviour.
It’s a TV show. It’s not 100% real, HOWEVER this promoted toxic behaviour is disgusting. And the saddest thing is, it’s an accurate depiction of society’s view on women, dating and actions with regards to people’s feelings.
[Read: Love Islanders Fall For Fuckboy Adam, Yet Alex Is The Nice Guy No One Wants]Toxic behaviour
Adam and Wes blow like the wind and exhibit manipulative and cruel behaviour, which is problematic and destructive. Many of the boys are blaming the women “acting psycho” and “it’s a game”, as a reason to dump them, even after professing feelings and being intimate.
We also play witness to manipulative and possessive behaviour- Alex and Eyal both think they’re owed something, and feel entitled to the girls’ affections, not considering anyone’s feelings but their own.
Don’t even get me started on how Adam and Wes forewarn the girls that they don’t like neediness, so they “can’t” call them out on their shitty behaviour. That instantly puts that pressure on the women to “watch their behaviour” even though emotions are involved.
One of the biggest signs of a Fuckboy or toxic behaviour is when a boy forewarns you to behave a certain way, so when they go and do something hurtful or inconsiderate, they can say “well I told you I don’t like clingy girls” and blame you.
Blaming Women
Just as we saw with Rosie, and Adam smirking, making out like it was nothing, it is so destructive to blame the woman and make them question themself. They’re understandably angry, hurt, and are just calling out the bad behaviour.
Just as women’s charity Women’s Aid has actively promoted, this behaviour of gas lighting*, when extended for a continued length of time can cause serious psychological damage of self esteem, emotions and confidence.
*Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.
[Read: Why Do Women Fall For Bad Guys?]
Leaves us questioning our own value
When this behaviour starts to affect people’s real feelings, that’s when it’s an issue.
As with Adam/Rosie, Wes/Laura, the boys made them believe they were the one for them, and told the girls exactly what they wanted to hear. Then when the boys ended things, they don’t understand why women are upset.
These actions psychologically affect women in and outside the villa into being insecure, as we then don’t feel good enough. We feel confused, hurt, angry and overall, questioning our own worth and value.
As showcased on Love Island, male approval from the girls, to “win their affection” is viewed as more important than how they see themselves. The need to be the “better” more attractive girl.
It means your own self worth is based on what other people think.
This attitude is based mainly on societal pressure for perfection. We’re constantly judged – we’re not pretty enough, not exciting enough, not fun enough.
Say’s who? Why do other people have the automatic right to make you feel bad about yourself?
We’re all worth it. We’re all valuable people We need to support each other rather than judge.
Women Supporting Women
The term “girlcode” was floating about a lot on the show, especially with Megan going behind Laura’s back and cracking on with Wes.
She even self-described herself as “not being used to having girlfriends”. Shocker.
There’s a way of going about things as a NICE PERSON, not even just a girl.
I strongly believe women should support other women. Us women have enough of things to contend with, let alone other women dragging us down.
Grass is always greener attitude
Relationships are about two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.
Relationship expert Wendy Capewell believes that no relationship is perfect. By treating it as a disposable commodity and moving from one relationship to another, people take the same baggage into the next – adding to it with each new one. Each time becoming more bruised and battered as they search for, but never find utopia.
“In today’s society we want instant gratification, constantly seeking an adrenalin fix – fuelled by the latest gadget on the market. This is happening in relationships too”.
We live in a disposable society, where if something isn’t working as we want it to – we throw it away and get something newer, or so we believe – ever dissatisfied. Often finding the newer version isn’t much different from the previous one.
Maybe we won’t ever be happy with just one person, because we’re always looking for more.
[Read: How ‘Seven Year Switch’ Highlights Our Modern Day ‘Grass Is Always Greener’ Attitude]
SO MUCH DRAMA.
Love Island is on everyday, ITV2, 9pm.
