The pre-Internet Dark Ages: a time where social media consisted of drawing hearts on the corner of notebooks, and folding decorated origami into a fortune teller for your friends. One phone number sufficed for the whole family. Impressions were opinions. Tweets were bird noises. Trolls were huge ugly goblin monsters. And dating was simpler. Or was it?
So much has been written and spoken about how social media is ruining our relationships. We struggle to talk in person or on the phone because we’re used to instant texting or messaging; we don’t express emotions because it’s not considered cool to show your true self; satisfaction is down because we constantly compare our relationships to everyone else; trust is gone because we snoop on our partners online behaviour; breakups are extra painful because everything that happens is now publicly viewable.
Dating in the days of the internet has created the illusion of abundance.
Then there is the world of online dating. To be fair, a lot of people have found real love via a dating app or website. Like social media, the tool of dating apps can open your eyes to people you’d never normally have the chance of meeting. But what most will agree on is that internet dating has created the illusion of abundance. That the grass is always greener.
We now live in a disposable society, where if something isn’t working as we want it to – we throw it away and get something newer, or so we believe – ever dissatisfied. Often finding the newer version isn’t much different from the previous one.
The grass is always greener
When you’re on a dating app, you have literally endless amounts of people looking for love at your swiping fingertips. It is easy to believe that all of these single people are available, viable, options. The reality is, most of these people won’t be interested or compatible, however the sheer volume of singletons creates this falsehood that there are literally thousands of options out there. This warps our minds to think that our “ideal” person, with no flaws, is actually attainable.
[Read: Mr Perfect Doesn’t Exist, So Stop Looking For Him]One consequence of this perceived abundance of potential partners that internet dating has brought to our society, is that many people approach dating through a consumer mindset. You can ” window shop” for a relationship in the same way that you shop online for clothes. As a result, relationships seen to be based solely on experience, which brings us back to the idea of a disposable society: if the experience doesn’t completely meet our expectations, we break up with the person and move on in search of the next better experience.
[Read: How ‘Seven Year Switch’ Highlights Our Modern Day ‘Grass Is Always Greener’ Attitude]
The internet alone, however, can’t be blame for all our dating dilemmas.
Okay, so it’s not all the internet’s fault… We have actually seen a cultural shift that predates the internet. Since the 1960’s people have started to prioritise freedom and individual happiness, which has ultimately led to feeling less bound by the concepts of “duty to marry” and “obligation”, than past generations.
We want more from our relationships than ever, yet ironically, the technological advancement of modern life and the internet has resulted in many people being less skilled at creating that intimate love with someone, and definitely less willing to put in the effort to keep the connections going long term.
[Read: Is A life-Long Relationship Realistic In The 21st Century?]We just have to remember it takes hard work, dedication and a lot of patience. Relationships aren’t always going to be easy, because life is hard. Stress, pressure, hardship, money and just keeping up day to day, can all be factors in ruining the allusion of a fairy tale ending.
We have to look past the woes of the internet and find love in real life, as much as we can. And once we’ve found that love, remember all the reasons why you love that person, rather than focusing on what you don’t have. After all, we all want life-long love, right?
