Dear Eve,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years, we’ve grown up together and I honestly love him more than words can begin to describe. We’re getting married in April next year and I can’t wait to begin our lives together. I’ve been with 2 other guys, when we were on a break 6 years ago, and thats as far as my sexual escapades go. My question is that I think about being with a woman all the time, but only in a sexual way. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship or spending any prolonged time with a woman, I just think about sex as a one time thing and only enjoy lesbian porn. Am I bi? Should I tell my boyfriend before we get married? Whats the easiest way to have a one time hook up?
What should I do?
Engaged and confused x
To Engaged and confused,
Thank you for writing to me! Firstly I want to say is: what you’re feeling is incredibly normal.
A study from the University of Essex has recently shed light on what you’re feeling. Their research found that straight women are pretty unique when it comes to what turns them on physiologically, compared to both straight men and gay women.
The big reveal? Straight women are likely to be turned on by both men and women—while straight men and lesbians are likely to be turned on only by their stated preferred gender. So it’s super normal for straight women to be turned on by watching other women, or thinking about being with a woman.
Of course, these findings should not be generalised because not all women have same-sex fantasies. Rather female sexual desire is a complex subject and unique to each and every woman.
As you’re getting married, it’s probably best to go forward open and honest. Trust is a huge integral element within the relationship and marriage is a serious commitment. Tell your partner, and back it with the evidence above. It’s totally normal. Hopefully he will understand and perhaps you can explore this fantasy, safely together. You may even be bi-sexual, but again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t mean you love your partner any less.
Potentially discuss the matter, if he’d be open for a threesome? Then you can live out your fantasy and see if you like it.
Having a one time hook up with a stranger may make you feel like you’re expressing your feelings wisely, but it will only make you feel guilty in the long run. Not to mention keeping secrets isn’t the best thing to do when building the foundations of your marriage.
I hope that helps a little bit. Let me know how it goes and remember: you’re totally normal.
