So the day has come… you’ve met someone, whether online or in person and you’ve arranged the first date.
Gah! It can be sooo nerve wracking. What if you come cross like a total idiot? What if you do that thing when you laugh and snort? What if this, what if that… What if they’re totally NOT right for me??
Even for the most seasoned daters, there are many things that can run through our minds on the lead up to the date.
Before I start the tips and tricks, I wanted to share my favourite dating piece of advice: *drum roll please* …make sure you understand that a perfect match doesn’t require perfect compatibility. You may not be compatible in careers or hobbies, but it’s more important to be compatible in our values: hard work, being kind, family, passionate about something, ambition – or whatever they are.
Sometimes our perfect “match” has nothing to do with what we can list on a piece of paper. Often it has more to do with the values we live by (the very core of who we are) than the things we do for a living. And if you can find someone that lines up with your values, and is attractive to you, then you’ve really got something.
[Read: Mr Perfect Doesn’t Exist, So Stop Looking For Him]So going back to that first date – gah! So you’ve worked yourself up into a right ole lather… or not if you’re lucky, but what can you do to make sure it goes as well as you can? Well it’s simple really. They may sound obvious but it never fails to amaze me how people can go so wrong… so here are 10 little things to remember to ease your mind and guarantee that second date:
[Read: 25 Great First Date Ideas Which Will Guarantee You A Second]1. Be prompt and on time
Forget being fashionably late: being late on a first date, especially without a valid reason is actually really rude.
Being on time shows you’ve made en effort – if your date can make the effort to be on time, then so should you. If your date is really late and gives no good excuse… this should be a big red flag that they have no respect for you or your time and this could turn into a bigger issue going forward.
2. Be presentable
Nothing is worse when you’ve made an effort, spritzed on your good perfume, spent a little more time than usual making yourself look and feel great, and then your date turns up looking like they’ve made no effort at all. Or worse, they smell like they’ve made no effort at all.
Being presentable is just a common courtesy. Fair enough if you’ve come from work, and it’s only a drink in a pub, but there’s no reason you couldn’t wear something suitable to your job for afterwards.
This is your date’s first impression of you – let’s make it a good one! Personal hygiene is a must, none of this “can’t be bothered to wear deodorant” malarky, make an effort and you will reap the rewards.
3. Be interested, ask questions!
Everyone enjoys talking about themselves. By asking your date questions about them (and continuing the dialogue with your own thoughts when there’s an opening) you’re showing that you’re interested in them. That in turn makes you more interesting.
It’s really easy to let the other person ask all the questions, and come away from the date realising that you know nothing about them. So remember to ask questions, nod and engage with their answers, and if possible bounce more questions off their response. Some great questions to ask on a first date include:
If you could have dinner with any famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Do you like films? What was the best film you’ve recently watched? or what’s your favourite film/music/book?
If you could go anywhere in the world, and money was no object, where would you go?
Early bird or night owl? (this one is great for deciphering if their routines match yours!)
Do you have any talents?
Questions not only help you seem interested, but also help you learn whether you both have similar values and interests.
4. Be kind, to your date, and any staff involved
Urgh no one likes someone who is a dick to a waiter. Yeah, okay, your food wasn’t how you liked it to be, but there’s a way of talking to people… If on a first date you come across like you treat people as if they’re “below you” or as if you like an argument, then it won’t give off the right impression.
Moral of the story: just be a nice, polite person and you’ll be grand.
5. Avoid getting unpleasantly drunk
Having a courage pint – great! Then a few drinks, why not! Slurring your words and starting to become incoherent? Not so sexy.
First dates can be super fun, but nothing quite says unattractive than someone who can’t actually hold a conversation with you, potentially voms all over you, and who you have to help home.
Keep it light and fun!
6. Ex talk is a no-go
Okay, so there is always the temptation to start chatting ex-talk… The scenario goes “so, how long have you been single?”,
“Well it’s been 6 months, my ex cheated on me… it was really tough but it’s made me realise how much I didn’t need him… how about you?”
“Yeah same really, she was a real bitch in the end… she did [insert fault], and this [insert insult]…”
*ALARM BELLS*
Ex talk is deep emotional territory for a first date, and can lead to bringing up some potentially underlying bitter emotions. Not to mention it’s a deep topic. It’s not cool to bitch about an ex, especially as the person if front of you could end up being an ex one day. It makes you come across as disrespectful and unappreciative. Even if they weren’t a great person.
Avoid talking about the ex – full stop. Focus on the future, and the present with this person – and if further down the line things get more serious, then the ex may be brought up.
7. Remember to smile!
Something else which is really simple but can be forgotten easily – to smile! When we’re sitting or walking along, it can be easy to forget how our face looks – give your date a break and if you’re enjoying yourself, smile and nod. They’ll appreciate the sign that you’re enjoying yourself.
Not to mention smiling naturally brightens up your face, your eyes crinkle and it’s really attractive. So show of your gnashers and give ’em a grin!
8. Body language can really help
Telling someone you’re interested isn’t enough – you have to make sure your body is saying it too for them to internalize the message. If you know you want to send a positive vibe, let your body do the talking for you.
Here are three body language cues of attraction that work regardless of gender.
A) Mirroring
Mirroring is when you subtly copy the behaviours of the person you’re with. So, if they shift or smile, you mirror those behaviours. A study by the Behavioural Science Institute in the Netherlands found that the more attracted we are to people, the more we mimic what they do. If you struggle to express your feelings, mirroring your date’s behaviour is a great way to subconsciously show them you’re interested.
B) Fronting
This is when you face your entire body from head to toe toward your date. Research has found that we subconsciously point our toes in the direction we want to go. So, if your date stays engaged and pointed toward you, it’s a great sign, but if their toes are aimed at the exit, they might not be having as good of a time as they appear to be.
C) Leaning
Whether you’re standing against a bar or sitting across a table, when your date leans toward you, it’s a clear sign that they are attracted and want to be closer to you. The opposite is also true. When they sit far back in their chair or take a step back from you, it shows their discomfort with the environment or conversation.
9. Offer to split the bill
It’s 2019. We’re pushing for gender equality. We wouldn’t ask someone we just met to pay for our shopping or clothes, so why a meal?
I know some women expect to be paid for, but on a first date, when it may or may not go anywhere I genuinely don’t think it’s fair to make the man pay. Going dutch also means that no one is in a position of “power” over the other – as if something is owed.
Always offer to split the bill, as a courtesy at least – and mean it. If the man insists to the point of exhaustion, then let him. However, expecting it can be super awkward and a massive turn off.
[Read: Who Should Pay On A First Date? Going Dutch In The 21st Century]
10. Post-date manners
If you’re keen for a second date with this person, tell them! However, if you’re shy, or would prefer to gauge whether they’d like to see you again, perhaps you could hint by saying: “It’s been lovely meeting you, I really enjoyed it.”
If you’re 100% sure you don’t want a second date, it’s important that you still try to end the date on a warm and positive note, while being truthful, to avoid hurt feelings. Honesty truly is the best policy; being honest creates transparency where trust can flourish and is something you can take forward into your next relationship.
Finally, remember to enjoy your date! Laugh, listen and you never know, it may lead to your next relationship!
