I have a few single friends who are absolutely terrified of dating apps.
They hate them with a passion and are physically stressed at the suggestion of using them. Here’s me piping up “let’s play tinder!”, only to be met with a stare which could kill. There is the underlying concrete belief that dating apps are awful.
But are they really awful? Or are my lovely friends looking at them from a perspective which could be changed?
Is it just the way we see dating apps that is hindering us from utilising them to their full potential?
The thing is, if you’re a little bit scared of dating, then you’re far from alone. Despite recently writing about trying to be more active with dating: getting out of the house and putting down the phone. I wanted to investigate the phenomenon of being absolutely anti-dating app.
What is it about them that is so scary?
Tinder alone creates 26 million matches a day, and it’s proven that dating apps can provide more options than just going out and about and meeting people in real life.
But why are they scary? Is it the fear of dickpics? Or that people lie? Or that you’re avoiding people who just want sex? Or it’s just not for you, and full of big gym men which are totally not your type.
Maybe it’s because it’s intimidating. There are many fears which can cause anxiety with regards to dating apps…
Dating app fears which will stop you from finding love
“People will judge me, or I don’t feel good enough”
Some single women and men fear that appearing on dating apps can make them seem like their only looking for sex, maybe a little desperate or just plain lonely.
This fear is completely irrational in 2019. Maybe in the early 2000s it was seen to be sad to be on a dating website, but now millions upon millions of singles everywhere download the apps for a bit of fun and to try their luck at meeting someone new!
You are beautiful, unique and totally good enough. There’s only one of you!
Sure, there are a lot of bad apples out there. But there are also a whole lot of successful, diverse, and kind-hearted singles populating the apps well.
“Fearing the worst scenario”
The worst case scenario is almost always nothing more than a bad date with no chemistry. And as frustrating as bad dates can feel, I promise you that when you find the right person, you will simply have some funny stories to tell!
When I first met my boyfriend, our first date was geocaching (treasure hunting using coordinates) in the local woods. Safe to say, I was convinced I was going to be kidnapped and buried there. I even told my friends if I’m not back by a certain time to send a search party.
Of course, it was completely fine – and we’re still together today!
The reality is, dating horror stories are so rare and usually the premise of great TV *cough* Netflix’s YOU. If somebody is a bit off, you should be able to tell, and as long as you’re careful and safe, you’ll be fine.
[Read: First Date Survival Guide | How To Guarantee A Second Date]“Making the first move”
Many women are hesitant to initiate conversations on dating apps. Perhaps you are traditional or perhaps you fear that doing so will will make you appear desperate. Maybe you just don’t know what to say.
While it is completely understandable that you might prefer to be approached first, when it comes to dating apps and online dating, I would try your best to give it a go! This is simply because the most in demand singles usually lead very busy lives. The more busy they are, the less time they have to browse online dating sites, perform searches, and initiate conversations of their own.
And there’s no need to worry about what you say, or if you don’t like them – worst case you can just delete them and they’ll never know who you are! No loss!
Apps like Bumble have utilised this – and only the women can make the move, so they don’t receive too many unsolicited messages!
“I don’t know where to start and I hate messaging”
From writing a profile to choosing a dating app or website. Believe me, I get it. It isn’t easy. Not to mention writing about yourself to “sell yourself” to someone else is tough.
But truth be told, it isn’t as difficult as you think. My best advice is to focus on all the best aspects of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you are going in life. What are your hobbies? Give your profile a little bit of your own personality! Use emojis!
Eve: Film Marketing Manager 🎬 Enjoy listening to jazz, writing and a big glass of white wine at the end of the day. Lover of Italian food 🍕 Creative and fun-loving. Make me laugh and you’re half way there.
Oh… and I have a 4.95 Uber rating 😉🔥
Example of a Tinder bio
When it comes to messaging – even this you don’t need to keep up! After you’ve spoken for someone for a day or so, why not just meet up in person? If you seem to get on and they seem normal, there is no harm in meeting up right away! Saves days and weeks of getting to know each other online and then it being awkward IRL.
[Read: Has The Internet Broken Dating]“How we met would seem rubbish”
Meeting online is not rubbish. I know plenty of couples who have met online and are so happy! Unfortunately, life isn’t a movie. Just about nobody has a truly memorable “where we met” story.
Is it worth passing up on finding the potential love of your life online because you’d prefer friends and family to say “awww” the 1st time you share your origin story about how you met at a coffee shop reading the same book?
[Read: Dating Apps: The Good, The Bad, and The Truly Terrible]Dating apps can get monotonous
There’s no getting around it… dating apps, even when full of attractive and lovely people, can get really damn dull. Swiping constantly gets really boring and unless you match with someone good, it’s easy to delete after a few days.
Don’t feel bad for doing this! Give it a go, and when it gets boring, put it away. You can always come back to it.
Dating anxiety in the age of Tinder is completely understandable, and kudos if you prefer to meet people in real life! However if you’re struggling with the concept and needed a bit of a boost, I hope this post has quelled your fears and given you the confidence to go out and get your match!
