They ghosted you out of the blue, and left you really confused for a while. But as soon as you moved on, guess who’s back!
But why does someone who ghosted you, return?
If being ghosted wasn’t frustrating enough already, it just became even more confusing. Why do ghosts come back? By definition, ghosting is ending of a relationship by someone completely disappearing from the other person’s life. Often it can be really hard to come to terms with what’s happened, without closure, in order to move on.
So once you’ve gone out your way to close that chapter, and realise you’re better off, ping! A message from the ghost. Ummm what?!
It can be anything from “Heyy. You up?” to “I saw you got a promotion at work, congrats, you deserve it.” But, it is never an apology, an explanation, or even an admission or mention of any wrong doing.
If someone wanted to end their relationship or time with you so badly that they couldn’t even do you the courtesy of explaining why, why come back?
Read: Ghosting: The Most Brutal Form of Break Up?]
Why do ghosts come back?
Like me, I hope your first reaction to a ghost that comes back is F*** OFF. But, not all of us can just shut people down how ghosts can. Some people feel they deserve an explanation while others just want to see what they’ll say.
Whether you want to know why your ghost came back or you want to know for future reference or just to be nosey, here are the reasons why ghosts come back:
1 – They’re bored.
This is probably the most common. When a ghost ghosts they were bored or over it. Now they are bored of something else so they reach out.
You’ll know this is the reason if they reach out with barely any effort. They might just say “hey” and see if you respond.
2 – They want to alleviate the guilt
This is something no ghost will ever admit too, but you would be surprised how often this is the reason a ghost comes back. The person who ghosted you is feeling guilty or maybe they were just ghosted.
Even though they aren’t genuinely interested, they reach out to see if you’ll respond. If you do they get that warm fuzzy feeling that they are still on your mind. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
3 – They assume you still miss them
Some ghosts truly are narcissists who believe the world revolves around them. They knew what they were doing when they ghosted you. They know it would upset you, but they did it anyway.
So, when this ghost comes back, they don’t even entertain the idea that you’ll ignore them. They assume you have been thinking about them all the time, whether it be a week or a year. If you don’t answer, they may even reach out again.
4 – They don’t understand they did anything wrong
This is the most ignorant and immature of all the ghosts. They genuinely are so unaware of the fact that they are not a decent person they think ignoring you for weeks or months was totally cool.
[Read: Is ‘Benching’ the new ‘Ghosting’?]5 – They saw your newest photo of you looking 🔥
Yup, this is a thing. If a ghost is still following you online, AKA – orbiting, they may reach out because they just saw your fire Instagram post. Instead of letting you live your best life away from them and their dirty ghosting past, they decide to message you.
[Read: “Orbiting”: The Latest Dating Trend Which Is Like “Ghosting”, But More Annoying]6 – They were dumped
They want a rebound even if they don’t plan on seeing you or talking to you for more than a night. When something doesn’t work out for a ghost, they crawl back into the lives of those they’ve had previous dalliances with.
[Read: Are You The Rebound? 10 Signs You Probably Are…]7 – They’re curious as to what you’re thinking
When it comes to ghosting, it is all about the head games whether the ghost realises it or not. The ghost wants to see where you are. Sure they screwed you before but wants to see if you are holding a grudge or if you’d be up for Netflix and chilling.
8 – They can’t be bothered to meet anyone new
Instead of meeting anyone new and forming a connection, they want to rekindle what you had before. Who knows if their intentions are noble or not *they probably are not*, but either way they sound like a waste of your valuable energy.
9 – They are self obsessed
Ghosting in and of itself is an entitled move that proves someone is selfish, uncaring, and all around immature. But, when the ghost comes back, they are just showing you once again how they think their feelings are more important than yours.
10 – They genuinely miss you
This is the rarest of the rare occasions. Please don’t get your hopes up or believe that just because the ghost texted you “I miss you”, after ignoring you for weeks that they actually mean it.
But, there are the rare occurrences that someone genuinely feels bad for being an idiot and asks for your forgiveness. They must acknowledge what they did. They should offer an apology or they are not worth the risk.
[Read: This is Why Breaking Up Hurts So Much]What to do about a ghost that comes back?
A ghost who comes back usually take no responsibilty for leading you on, cutting you off, and driving you bonkers. They never explained leaving your life so they don’t feel a need to explain why they are back.
I do think in 9/10 ghosting situations if the ghost comes back, you should block them and move on with your amazing life. There is that VERY small chance that the ghost genuinely feels bad and wants a second chance.
If they actually take responsibility for it, proceed with a lot of caution. Otherwise don’t even give them the time of day!
Ghosts will rarely provide the stability of commitment you want, so just cut your losses and say bye bye!
Why do ghosts return? Well, often for self preservation and to remove the feelings of guilt. Sometimes cause they genuinely feel bad. But whatever the reason, it better be a good one!
Have you been ghosted or need some help? Let me know in the comments or ask me a question anonymously in the Ask Eve section here
Good information. Sad to know. I’ve been ghosted twice by the same person. And now he’s back for a third. What on earth am I thinking? Why? Ugh.
Leave now. Don’t waste your time if this is the third time. If a guy really wants you, he wouldn’t need to come back three or four times.
He comes back w/ a valid reason(i think)and wants to explain himself in personal,,and telling me why i didn’t even bother to communicate?i dont know what to expect or believed,,,can somebody give me an advice please
Just block him for your own sake. This behaviour is abusive and disrespectful. You’ll never move on to someone who cherishes you if you keel allowing this sadist back in your life. He doesn’t love you.
do NOTHING just open ur heart
Hope, you are thinking “hope,…”
Hope he’s/she’s not the person they have turned out to be.
The best I can suggest is shore up your own boundaries, move on & don’t look back,…you are no longer going that way.
Such ppl are not only selfish, heartless & cruel to hurt anyone like this but imagine how they will one day treat a child. Or another vulnerable person. Let them go, let them stay away too. Look deeper at ppl next time & remember you owe no one any explanations.
…..if you keep allowing……
I don’t understand why I have been ghosted. My boyfriend got a new job a year ago and we talked when we could. He said he wanted a future with me and he loves me and would never hurt me.
But recently he deactivated his Facebook and blocked his own number.. wtf I know he wants to do his work but it takes seconds to text someone your having a break and why or not interested in someone..
i havent been talking to my friends for a week now but after reading this article i feel like a really bad person uh slight tw but the reason i ghosted them was to get a mental break because i was feeling really suicidal and i think im still in a manic episode and talking to people is a bit too much right now but i left without explanation so i dont know if theyll think im ghosting them and if theyll think im a bad person because i dont tell them my problems so they dont even know what im going through and if i try to explain theyll think its an excuse
I have a very good friend who has been smothering me with kindness for a couple of years. Calls twice a week. Then last 3 weeks nothing. I sent a text are you ok. They rang. Then cut contact since. Of course I’m devastated. I thought we were good friends. They are a do good er and always go on about how friends come first. A 360° turnaround. A complete flip flop. How could such a sincere, kind, loving and generous person all of a sudden just act in the opposite manner? I’m confused. Which is the real them? Or are they mentally unstable? So uncharacteristic of them that I’m overwhelmed. I didn’t say or do anything just always expressed gratitude and treated them with utmost courtesy and respect.
You didn’t “say or do anything.” Sounds like you were a taker and they were a giver and they’re done getting nothing in return.
My ghoster has come back a few times and every time he comes back he acts like it’s an emergency. Months without talking then all the sudden he calls back to back, texting over and over and saying if I wouldn’t have answered he was going to drive over. Acting like nothing happened and like he really cares this time. Why is it all the sudden urgent in your opinion?
That’s abusive behavior. I would block him so it’s not convenient for him
My ghost came back the other day, said he missed me and could we move on and work it out and then later that same day ghosts me again by not reading my reply messages to a light conversation we had about food and then removes me from his FB. Like huh? Why bother saying anything to me at all? I feel like he is just being cruel, but it hurts just the same.
I have a friend who ghosted me 2 years ago. We were quite close, chatted quite a lot about emotional things, though even then I felt it was a one sided friendship because I would end up listening to him majority of the time, and got very little room to express myself. So 2 years later, he emailed me saying life had got in the way, and that he was really sorry and his behaviour is inexcusable. I accepted his apology and we rekindled our friendship. However I have noticed that he is still the same person. He is very needy and clingy and requires a lot of attention, and emotional support and this is really starting to get on my nerves. He has told me many times that I would make a good counselor because I have helped him so much with his problems. I am starting to have my doubts about whether I want to continue a friendship with him because of his neediness/clinginess. He texts me every single day about unimportant things, and this is becoming too intrusive for me. I also feel that he is trying to force a close friendship between us, and to be honest in view of our history where he just suddenly dropped me, I want to proceed with caution and don’t want him as a close friend. I hang out with him by meeting up for coffee once every few weeks, but he texts me every single day and this is very irritating. I don’t even feel like being friends with him anymore because of his needy behaviour, and when I do see him in person I am already sick of him because of his constant texting previous to our meetings. I would be very grateful for your thoughts/advice.