8 Red Flags of an Emotionally Controlling Partner

controlling partner


Every lover has a controlling streak within them, but there’s the thin red line that makes all the difference.

That difference is crucial in understanding whether your partner is a loving, or controlling, one.

There are two types of control in relationship. There’s the physically abusive control, and then there’s the S.O who controls you emotionally.

You may never know you’re dating an emotionally controlling person until it’s too late. Not all these red flags are bad for a relationship. But there’s a thin threshold between tolerable behaviour and extreme possessiveness. And that threshold is different for all of us…

1. They’re insecure, jealous and doubt you

They play mind games and try to trap you with tricky, unnecessary questions. They try confusing you into giving them contradictory answers which makes you feel like you are the bad person in the relationship.

[See: The Difference Between Love and Obsession]


2. They want to know everything 

They hate secrets. They tell you all their passwords and secrets, and expect you to do the same, be it your email, Twitter or Facebook account. They want to know every single detail of your daily life.


3. It’s one rule for you, and another for them

They don’t like it when you hang out with a few of your friends. But when they meet their own friends, even the ones you dislike, they make it seem like you’re the one misunderstanding their friends. They create their own rules for themself, and imposes different rules on you.


4. They put you down in subtle ways

They put you down in front of friends, or behind closed doors. They may tell you what you should be wearing or look like, but not in an obvious way. They may compliment other people on their good taste or how nice they look in front of you. They picks flaws in anything you do, and help you do a better job. This will eventually make you lose your own confidence, and wait for their reassurance and help each time you try something new.


5. They don’t like it when you go out with your friends

Do they say your friends are a bad influence or do they think one of your guy friends are hitting on you? They start to choose your friends and tell you whom to hang out with. Eventually you’d find yourself losing touch with most of your friends.


6. You’re always to blame

But they’re never to blame. Little things, big things – it’s always, somehow, your fault. But if they do anything wrong, it’s no bother.


7. They break down when you take a stand

This is a sick trait of an emotionally controlling partner, but it’s one that’ll always show up when you take a stand. Whenever you take a stand or refuse to listen to them, they may argue with you, or break down. What happens eventually is that you’d end up giving in for their happiness.


8. You lose your freedom, and yourself…

You find yourself asking for their permission to do anything. You assume they’re the best thing that’s happened in your life. All of a sudden, you’re convinced that they’re your personal god and the one who’s always right. Your whole world will start to revolve around them, and nothing else.


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