The long distance relationship is one which is much discussed, argued, frowned upon, and often thought of as a bit of a joke. Unfortunately, many of us know someone who’s cheated, or been cheated on whilst in the LDR.
If we’re honest with ourselves, people care less about if someone is in an LDR and pursue them anyway, they’re often thought of as ‘not real relationships’, and a one-way ticket to heartbreak and disappointment. It’s all these trust, opinion and rumour issues which you have to combat to survive a LDR. There’s no way of sugar-coating the fact that LDR’s are really hard, but all the while we tell ourselves why give up something potentially amazing?
I should know, I’ve been though long distance. But luckily, we came out the other side. A year on, I couldn’t be happier. Sure, it was really tough, and I probably wouldn’t embark on a LDR again, but it was worth it. I am really happy and we survived to tell the tale.
A long distance relationship isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s not for those scared of effort or commitment. It’s emotionally draining, heart-wrenching and ultimately not an ideal scenario for a budding romance.
But it can work, and my relationship is proof of it.
I rarely talk about my own relationship on here (despite what many think!), but I think it’s really important on Never Settle to add a more personal touch – after all, I’m a real-life human!
Turns out I’ve written three posts on the LDR: The first, The Long Distance Relationship was within the first few months of our relationship, and full of hope. In the second, Long Distance: The Home Stretch, I explain that we kind of fell into a long distance relationship – it wasn’t particularly discussed, it just kind of… happened.
Then a year ago, in Happily Ever After? Long Distance to No Distance, you can hear the worry in my writing. If I’m honest, I was worried when I wrote that. After all, no one ever discusses what happens after you conquer long distance. I started to think that because all we’d ever know was long distance, we wouldn’t be able to adapt.
Now, a year on from long distance: we’re living together, and happier than ever. We have had a roller-coaster of a year, but I think we both agree we’re even stronger than we’d imagine we’d be.
Thinking back to when we first embarked on seeing each other, we had the conversation: ‘I like you so much, but you’re in London and I’m in Aberystwyth’, to which I even said ‘I think we both know realistically this isn’t going to work’. But we both wanted it to.
And I think that’s what held us together. We both wanted it to work out.
We had an expiry date on the LDR, and a rough idea that we could be together after – and that’s what I clung to.
There are so many things I could suggest as tips on how to get through long-distance, and how to adapt once it’s over, but considering every couple is different, the single most important thing I could say is, you both have to want it to work out. You both have to make the effort and communicate: you have to be in it together, not separately, and ultimately know that it’ll all be worth it.
If one person is putting more in than the other, or someone’s heart isn’t in it anymore: it’s doomed to fail. It’s the hardest part of the LDR, trusting the fact that the person you’re in this with still wants it as much as you.
If you’re in it together, then you will boss it like a pro.
So to all you long distance relationshippers: don’t let doubt and worry eat at you, the LDR can and will work if you truly believe it.